1| On Tinder: Swipe right, swipe left: You're missing out in the magic and ambiguity of a meaningful relationship. When in doubt, swipe right.
2| On Social Media: No good comes from staying Facebook friends with or following on Instagram someone who broke up with you.
3| On Texting: One should text "lol" only if you laughed out loud so hard that you broke all your fingers, making it harder to type–an odd time for laughter, to be honest.
4| On Sexting: The worst that could happen is that she, in a fit of rage, uploads the photo to Facebook, on which she is friends with both your coworkers and your siblings, and has Photoshopped your face onto both of your testicles.
5| On the Floor: If she dances, you dance.
6| On Camera: Any man who pranks his girlfriend for the sake of a YouTube video is not a man. He is an auteur. Of his shittiness.
7| On Commitment: Make Plans. Now, then, forever. Plans.
8| On What You've Been Taught Before:
This story originally appeared on Esquire.com.
* Minor edits have been made by the Esquiremag.ph editors.