Quarantine Is Teaching the Youth to Grocery Shop, Cook, Clean—and Ground Their Parents

One good thing is coming out of quarantine: kids are learning to adult. By kids, we mean the youth who are old enough to be sacrificed—or “forcibly volunteered”—to become what the Internet has deemed “quarantine tributes.” These adults-in-training are learning the secrets only moms know, such as how to spot the best vegetables, the difference between cabbage and lettuce, and every which way to cook Tender Juicy hotdogs and beloved Ligo sardines.

With quarantine officially adult boot camp, the youth have turned to the Internet to support each other in this time of crisis. And by crisis, we don’t mean COVID-19—we mean being handed a grocery list of vegetables we’ve never heard of, then chucked out the door to be sacrificed at the supermarket.

The life-saving Facebook group “Quarantine Tribute Tips” is teaching my fledgling adults and I the Tagalog names of vegetables (repolyo who?), the difference between afritada and mechado (and menudo and kaldereta!), and what pork cuts to get at the meat section so mom doesn’t get pissed.

Let’s not forget all the recipes being shared online as quarantine tributes train to become master chefs within four weeks. Who knew you could so many things with just corned beef, maling, and Lucky Me pancit canton?

And in a hilarious twist of fate, the kids are the ones stealing the quarantine pass and grounding their parents to make sure the stubborn old boomers stay home, far away from coronavirus.

If you’re also a clueless millennial/Gen-Z-er, join Quarantine Tribute Tips and learn how to survive as an adult. Got dumb questions? There are no dumb questions in this group.

All jokes aside, the group has become a subtle effort to protect our parents during quarantine, so salute to the wise admin and the 30,000 members for helping each other out and lightening up this pretty serious situation. The world is already all doom and gloom—sometimes we need a good laugh and happy vibes for our own mental health.

And on that note, here’s a quick reminder to disinfect after grocery shopping.