Millionaires have it tough.
No, they do. Imagine being really, really wealthy, but embarrassed at not having quite enough change to keep the chopper tanked up as well as making sure the yacht's in good nick through the winter? Doesn't bear thinking about.
A million or two will technically make you a millionaire, sure, but will it make you a proper, bona fide Croesus?
Not according to an analyst from US Trust, who told Town & Country that to keep up a rich person's lifestyle and truly stop worrying about money forever, you'll need at least $190 million.
This is a properly rich person's lifestyle, mind, not the needy wad-flashing of someone who's fluked their way to a couple of million on the lottery.
The analyst assumed a few things to arrive at that figure. Property takes the biggest chunk: part of the $190 million is taken up with an $18 million apartment on Fifth Avenue in New York, $20 million for a getaway in the Hamptons, $2 million for decor and a little extra for a bolthole in the Caribbean.
Being childless would take the thinnest sliver off the top of that $190 million, as that estimate includes $1.7 million per child for private schooling, tutors, music lessons, trips abroad and four years at an Ivy League college.
You'll need some art, obviously, otherwise nobody will know you've got so much money that the only thing left for you to buy is by definition completely functionless. That adds another $1 million a year to the total.
Then there's the wages of your chef, your housekeeper and your chauffeur, which put another $190,000 a year on.
So, you can see how it stacks up. Being sickeningly wealthy must be an absolute admin nightmare.
There's a chance you might be able to sneak into the super-rich club with a little less, though. According to Richard Kirshenbaum, who wrote 'Isn't That Rich?: Life Among the 1%, billionaires', you should "view $100 million as the starting point for real money".
"They call it a hundy," he told Town & Country. "Like, 'Oh, they made it, they have a hundy.'"
If it's a straight choice between being phenomenally wealthy and knowing that the word 'hundy' is never going to come out of your mouth, we'll happily take penury.
This story originally appeared on Esquire.co.uk.
* Minor edits have been made by the Esquiremag.ph editors.