DC Wouldn't Let Batman Go Down on Catwoman Because 'Heroes Don't Do That'
On this fine day of batshit, comic-book-adjacent news, we've learned a rather startling revelation about what truly separates a hero from the rest of us plebes. This universal truth, apparently? Heroes don't go down on people.
Here we go. On Monday, Variety published a deep dive on how shows such as WandaVision, The Umbrella Academy, and HBO Max's animated Harley Quinn series are twist-turning the superhero genre. The writer, Joe Otterson, interviewed two of Harley Quinn's co-creators, Justin Halpern and Patrick Schumacker, who helped put together the beautifully crude, unashamedly violent take on the famous Batman adversary. When Halpern and Schumacker were discussing their show, they revealed that, at one point, the show was going to show Batman going down on Catwoman. In a show that tallied 19 f-bombs and a 25-deep death count in its premiere episode alone, this shouldn't have been a problem, right? Well, reader, you give society too much credit. Here's what Halpern had to say.
“It’s incredibly gratifying and free to be using characters that are considered villains because you just have so much more leeway. A perfect example of that is in this third season of ‘Harley’ [when] we had a moment where Batman was going down on Catwoman. And DC was like, ‘You can’t do that. You absolutely cannot do that.’ They’re like, ‘Heroes don’t do that.’ So, we said, ‘Are you saying heroes are just selfish lovers?’ They were like, ‘No, it’s that we sell consumer toys for heroes. It’s hard to sell a toy if Batman is also going down on someone.’”
Let me get this straight. Are we really saying that people would see Batman going down on Catwoman and immediately scream, what the fuck! Then, the next time they're buying granola bars at Target and happen upon a Batman action figure the toy aisle, say, that's the bastard who went down on Catwoman! and take sexless Steve Roger's figurine home instead? What are we doing here? The Variety story goes on to say that DC has been incredibly supportive of Harley Quinn's envelope-pushing, but we're stumped as to why it ends with the bedroom. Unless they genuinely want us to think Bruce Wayne chooses to lock himself in the Batcave, abstinent and alone—or is just an asshole.
This story originally appeared on Esquire.com. Minor edits have been made by Esquiremag.ph editors.