Movies & TV

James Bond is an Alcoholic, Says Health Experts

Did we really need experts?
IMAGE Getty Images/Greg Williams
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There's a scene in Skyfall where James Bond, awash on a faraway island and presumed dead by the world, takes a shot of liquor while staring down a scorpion perched on his hand, stinger ready to jab him with poison before the liquid hits his stomach. He's faster than the scorpion; he survives the shot. And so one of the best instances of high-stakes drinking was welcomed into the 007 franchise.

Plus, there's Bond's whole "shaken not stirred" thing. That's iconic as well.

But a new study published in the Medical Journal of Australia,however, casts a shadow on all this booze, saying Bond displayed "severe alcohol use disorder" over the course of six decades and 24 movies. The study authors found that in his entire onscreen career, Bond drank 109 times. His most excessive outing, when he downed six Vespers and raised his blood alcohol level to approximately .36 grams per deciliter in Quantum of Solace, was "enough to kill some people," they noted. 

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Bond's actions, including binge drinking, driving after drinking, fighting after drinking, having sex after drinking, and operating nuclear machinery after drinking, satisfied more than half of the American Psychiatric Association’s DSM-5 criteria for alcohol use disorder.

"There is strong and consistent evidence that James Bond has a chronic alcohol consumption problem at the 'severe' end of the spectrum," the study authors concluded. "He should seek professional help and try to find other strategies for managing occupational stress."

This seems like a good time to remind everyone that James Bond is a made-up person. He has been young and sprightly since 1962. He goes through cocktails, cars, and women at a comical rate. He is in no way a role model for a healthy lifestyle. He is not real.

Granted, this Bond study was intended to be "fun," the lead study author told the Washington Post; it won a Christmas competition held by the Medical Journal of Australia. If "fun" means prescribing a fictional character with real-life disorders, then by all means, proceed with the analysis. We all would be interested to know how soon Aquaman is stricken with a severe breathing problem in his underwater lair, or how many gamma rays it takes to cause chronic Hulk-sized rage in mild mannered scientists.

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This story originally appeared on Esquire.comMinor edits have been made by the Esquiremag.ph editors.

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