Movies & TV

30 Questions We Need Answered After Stranger Things Season 3

Such as: What happened to Eleven? And, who is managing this Scoops Ahoy?
IMAGE NETFLIX
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Stranger Things is like comfort food. It's always familiar, and it's great because it gives you all the things you want—even if it's not everything you need. That's why settling into the third season of Stranger Things is like going home again—familiar friends, comfortable settings, and all that nostalgic fun.

But that's what also makes this season finale so jarring—with a number of big twists that we'll spend the next year or so thinking about, once our tears have dried of course. These are the 30 questions that will be running through our head to a pulsing synth beat until Stranger inevitably returns for its fourth season:

Spoilers Ahead

1. Certainly these children will be scarred for life after the horrors they experienced in this season and the previous two seasons, right?

2. Why has no one moved out of this town?

3. Who is still cutting Will Byers' hair like that?

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4. Would Billy have not been involved with this at all if he and Mrs. Wheeler hadn't wanted to fuck?

5. How did Eleven have money for an entire new wardrobe?

6. Is it actually possible for Dustin’s radio tower to transmit from Indiana to Utah?

7. How did the children teach themselves to visually identify letters of the Russian alphabet through one sound clip alone?

8. How much of this season is New Coke product placement?

9. How much of this season is 7-Eleven product placement?

10. Who manages Scoops Ahoy?

11. Shouldn't some sort of adult be around to make sure the business's only two employees aren't spending time on the clock investigating a Russian conspiracy?

12. Hopper is supposed to be a shitty cop, right?

13. Did Hopper really need to torture the mayor and steal a man's car?

14. Shouldn't he get into some sort of legal trouble for these things?

15. Shouldn’t Hopper have been a little more sensitive to the fact that Joyce literally watched her boyfriend get murdered a year ago and maybe doesn’t want to date?

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16. What was the green stuff in those canisters?

17. Does Eleven have kind of a Patriot Act thing going on with her spy power?

18. Is this season more anti-mainstream media or anti-capitalism?

Seriously. Hopper looks damn good in this shirt. I want it.
Photo by Netflix.

19. Where can I get Hopper's awesome hot date Hawaiian shirt?

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20. "Fucking magnets, how do they work?"

21. Why did the Russians need to go through the hassle of covering up their operation with a mall?

22. Wouldn’t any other cover up—a factory, a warehouse, etc.—have been a simpler, cheaper, and less risky way of hiding a foreign government operation?

23. What drugs did the Russians give Steve and Robin that made them so happy?

24. Where can I get some?

25. Didn’t the monster always know who Eleven was?

26. Did no one notice the multiple dead bodies and shootings in the middle of this crowded festival?

27. Did Hopper really die?

28. Why did Eleven lose her powers?

29. How did the U.S. government manage to cover up what was clearly not a fire, but rather an act of war by an adversarial foreign body?

30. During the height of the Cold War and tensions between the U.S. and Russia, this attack on American soil would certainly be more than enough to spark the next world war, right?

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This story originally appeared on Esquire.com. Minor edits have been made by the Esquiremag.ph editors.

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Matt Miller
Matt Miller is the Associate Culture Editor for Esquire.com
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