10 Toxic Valentine's Day Movies That'll Make You Grateful You're Single
Let’s be real. We all know Valentine’s Day is just a consumerist holiday designed by capitalists to profit off our desperate need for love and attention. So, if you’re single, why not spend your Valentine’s Day by staying at home and binge-watching depressing movies so you don’t fall victim to capitalism’s yoke. Fall victim to your own misery, instead.
It’s a good thing misery loves company because we’ve got your back. This Valentine’s Day, celebrate your singledom with a movie marathon that’ll make you grateful you’re single. You might not be getting any attention or cuddles, but you also aren’t receiving pain.
So Debby downers, here are 10 movies on 10 toxic movie relationships that’ll make you think maybe it’s better to stay single.
1| Marriage Story
Even if you’re single, Marriage Story will want to make you get a divorce. Sometimes people are meant for each other. Other times, people are meant to destroy each other.
2| Blue Valentine
How Blue Valentine passed for a “romance” is beyond us. Even Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams aren’t enough to stop us from swearing off commitment given how toxic their characters’ relationship is.
3| Gone Girl
Almost 10 years later and we’re still not sure who the villain is. There’s Nick (Ben Affleck) for cheating on his wife with a student, and then there’s Amy (Rosamund Pike) who orchestrates the best revenge plot in history. Seriously, these two miserable people deserve each other.
4| 500 Days of Summer
Manic pixie dream girl meets sensitive hipster good boy in 500 Days of Summer. It’s a millennial classic, yet millennials completely lost the plot. This isn’t a romance. It’s a playbook on why you shouldn’t fall in love with the idea of love—and the idea of a person.
5| Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind
Listen. Sometimes, relationships are so toxic that the only way to heal... is by erasing your memory of your partner altogether.
6| Revolutionary Road
Who’d have thought Kate Winslet and Leonardo di Caprio would reunite in the world’s most toxic on-screen marriage ever. By the time you make the halfway mark of Revolutionary Road, you’ll agree that Jack was better off dead.
7| Malcom & Marie
Hands down, we’d rather fight with a stranger than a partner. A stranger doesn’t know your weaknesses and insecurities, and definitely can’t use them as weapons. Partners, on the other hand, are loaded with all the right ammunition from the get-go.
After centuries of technological advancements, humans apparently never managed to fix the worst of our selfishness, at least in Passengers. How would you feel if you were forever stuck with the person who stole your future and your life without your consent? Chris Pratt really is the worst Chris out there.
9| Notes on a Scandal
Wedding vows? What’s that? Sheba Hart (Cate Blanchett) throws her wedding vows out the wedding, stomps on them, then sets them on fire when she cheats on her husband—with underage boys. We know it’s fiction… but we’ve read those Reddit stories. Fiction is never too far from reality.
10| The Color Purple
The Color Purple ought to be called The Color Black with how miserable the movie is. Celie (Whoopi Goldberg) deals with abuse after abuse from her husband who isolates her, cheats on her, moves his mistress into their home, and makes her act like the mistress’ servant. Someone call the judge, because we’re filing for divorce.