TV Guide: Every Upcoming TV Show Premiere and Return Date of 2017
Just when we thought we were caught up on all the series we must watch to stay socially relevant, the network gods have unleashed a whole mass of new and returning series to occupy our winter TV schedule.
Among them are new series based on known properties like CBS' Training Day (Bill Paxton takes over the Denzel Washington role) and ones that just sound familiar (see other new CBS series Ransom and Doubt). New comedies like Seeso's Wham Bam Thank You Ma'am continue to prove the revolutionary idea that women can be funny, and high-concept series like FX's Tom Hardy period drama Taboo and HBO's Nicole Kidman-Reese Witherspoon miniseries Big Little Lies mean there's no rest for Emmy award bloggers. And this list doesn't even include the next season of AMC's Better Call Saul and hot properties like Showtime's Twin Peaks revival, as neither's premiere dates have been announced.
Sherlock: The Abominable Bride (PBS) The long-awaited 90-minute special sets Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman's modern-day Sherlock and Watson in 1890s London. Fan-favorite characters Mary Morstan (played by Amanda Abbington), Inspector Lestrade (Rupert Graves), and Mrs. Hudson (Una Stubbs) also appear.
Worst Cooks in America (Food Network) Mend your New Year's Eve hangover with leftovers from last night's drunk Postmates order and a new season of Anne Burrell and Rachael Ray series about turning hapless cooks into star chefs.
The Bachelor (ABC) Rejected Bachelorette contestant Nick Viall and his abs will star in the new edition of the series that keeps the rose industry blossoming.
The Celebrity Apprentice (NBC) With Donald Trump heading to the White House, California's former Governator, Arnold Schwarzenegger, is now running the show. But don't worry. His new catchphrase—"You're Terminated"—still keeps with the ethos of the show.
MasterChef Celebrity Showdown (Fox) The two-hour special will make hosts Gordon Ramsay and Christina Tosi put their money where their mouths are. They partner with Anthony Anderson and Jordana Brewster, respectively, to battle it out for charity.
Shadowhunters (Freeform) The second season of the TV series based on the Mortal Instruments books continues with more sexy supernatural stories as—according to the press release—"loyalties will be tested, unlikely bonds will be made and relationships will be pushed to the limit."
Bones (Fox) The final season of Bones allows fans 12 episodes to come to grips with the end of Brennan (Emily Deschanel), Booth (David Boreanaz) and the Jeffersonian-FBI team.
Frontline: President Trump (PBS) Ahead of Trump's inauguration, the news show takes a look back at the key moments of his career to show how we got to this point.
Kiss Bang Love (FYI) Sounding like something 13-year-olds would play in someone's rec room, this dating game show blindfolds contestants and makes them choose a partner based on kissing compatibility. Naturally, it's produced by the company that makes Married at First Sight.
Seven Year Switch (FYI) The second season of the wife-swapping series continues to poke the monogamy bear as married couples separate to live with strangers and see what it's like to be partnered with someone else.
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (FXX) The 12th season of the ground-breaking dark comedy includes, according to the press release, "a move to the suburbs, shooting a smut film, defending themselves in court, and playing another deranged round of the legendary board game Chardee MacDennis."
Man Seeking Woman (FXX) Jay Baruchel's love-starved Josh is back for more mental torture in a season that includes everything from cloning disasters, man-on-car sex and a love triangle with his best friend.
Hell's Kitchen (Fox) More chefs feel they have the self-esteem to battle Gordon Ramsay's harassment on national television in the latest season of Fox's long-running cooking series.
Nashville (CMT) Connie Britton's sassy country music soap gets an encore as it moves from ABC to CMT this season.
Portlandia (IFC) We know that the (most-likely) penultimate season of Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein's sketch series will take on men's rights activists, but chances are other fringe groups—liberal or conservative—aren't safe either.
Grimm (NBC) It's the final season for the procedural about a homicide detective who also tracks down the big bad fairy tale characters who are secretly living among us.
Sleepy Hollow (Fox) True Blood and Arrow's Janina Gavankar is the new female lead after Nicole Beharie's controversial exit from the show last season.
74th Annual Golden Globes (NBC) Jimmy Fallon hosts this year's ceremony, with Meryl Streep receiving the Cecil B. DeMille Lifetime Achievement Award with Sistine, Sophia and Scarlet Stallone each serving as Miss Golden Globes.
Taboo (FX) Tom Hardy's long-awaited period drama—which he co-created with his father, Chips Hardy, and Peaky Blinders' Steven Knight—has him staring as a 19th century explorer who was presumed dead but returns to London in an attempt to rebuild his life. But his father's legacy won't make that easy.
Full Frontal with Samantha Bee (TBS) Sam Bee's late-night sucker punch to anyone in the establishment who gets in her way moves to a new night for its second season.
Jeff and Some Aliens (Comedy Central) A spinoff of the channel's TripTank, this new animated series is exactly as advertised: It's about an average guy who lives with a bunch of space people.
Mad Families (Crackle) In his first return to the spotlight since announcing that he is HIV-positive, Charlie Sheen is starring in and executive producing this movie about three families of different ethnic backgrounds who end up sharing the same camping space on a Fourth of July weekend.
My Kitchen Rules (Fox) Fox's new celeb-focused food show puts contestants' cooking skills and home decorating skills to the test as stars like Lance Bass, Andrew Dice Clay, Brandy, and Ray J cook and critique each others' homes.
Revenge Body with Khloe Kardashian (E!) It's unclear who, exactly, Khloe Kardashian is angry at this time. But, in this reality show, she helps the recently dumped get their lives (or at least their butts) back in shape.
The UCB Show (Seeso) It's the new season of the weekly variety showcase hosted by founding Upright Citizens Brigade members Matt Besser, Amy Poehler, Ian Roberts, and Matt Walsh.
Wham Bam Thank You Ma'am (Seeso) The sketch series stars the all-female Sydney, Australia-based group Skit Box (see the viral video "Activewear") and takes on yoga moms, '70s swinger parties, and more.
Great Performances: Bel Canto The Opera (PBS) The Lyric Opera of Chicago's adaptation of writer Ann Patchett's novel of the same name follows the lives of both terrorists and hostages during a siege.
Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events (Netflix) Neil Patrick Harris plays Count Olaf, an evil guardian determined to get the inheritance left to three orphans in his care.
Sneaky Pete (Amazon) We cannot be the only Breaking Bad fans who want to call Bryan Cranston's new drama Skinny Pete. The series stars Giovanni Ribisi as a con man masquerading as someone else while also attempting to save his brother from the wrath of Cranston's character.
Homeland (Showtime) This season of the long-running spy drama heads to New York as Claire Danes' Carrie deals with counterterrorism in the wake of an election. Oh and, inexplicably, Rupert Friend's Quinn is alive even though Carrie took him off life support last season.
Victoria (PBS) The hype suggests that this series, which stars Doctor Who alum Jenna Coleman as a young Queen Victoria, is the next Downton Abbey.
The Young Pope (HBO) Another much-anticipated foreign series to hit the states, this drama stars Jude Law as a newly elected Pope and Diane Keaton as the nun who raised him in an orphanage and is now his personal secretary.
People's Choice Awards 2017 (CBS) It's unclear if the long-running awards show where fans pick the winner will have as shocking an outcome as the presidential election.
Scandal (ABC) After a maternity leave for her alter ego, Kerry Washington, Olivia Pope and her team of Gladiators return to clean up D.C.
Great Performances: Alicia Keys - Landmarks Live in Concert (PBS) The Grammy winner is the first performer in this new series, which is hosted by Red Hot Chili Peppers drummer Chad Smith.
Voltron: Legendary Defender (Netflix) The second season of the comedic animated series picks up with the first season cliffhanger that sent crew members off to various points in the universe.
Beaches (Lifetime) Lifetime offers another remake that did not need to happen with this version of the classic Bette Midler-Barbara Hershey movie. This one stars Idina Menzel and Nia Long, so it's a safe bet that there will be singing.
Secrets of the Six Wives (PBS) Behind a strong man is an even stronger woman… who may be willing to lose her head. This series, which is hosted by historian Lucy Worsley, shows how each of Henry VIII's six wives had a unique way of influencing the king.
Face Off (Syfy) The long-running reality competition series for VFX artists returns for an 11th season. It still has nothing to do with John Travolta or Nicolas Cage.
Frontline: Trump's Road to the White House (PBS) Talking heads talk again about how Donald Trump surprised so many when he won the presidency.
Outsiders (WGN) The Appalachia-set drama, now in its second season, stars Treme's David Morse as the leader of a clan who don't necessarily fit in with the nearby townsfolk.
The Magicians (Syfy) The second season of this series, which has been described as Hogwarts-but-in-Harvard, requires the cast of very hip 20-somethings to save magic from dying.
The Path (Hulu) Disciples joining the second season of the Aaron Paul, Hugh Dancy, and Michelle Monaghan's religion-focused series include Dexter's James Remar and The Brady Bunch's Eve Plumb.
Suits (USA) The second half of the sixth season of USA's impeccably well-dressed drama comes a character departure. Can we have their leftover costumes?
Riverdale (CW) The much-anticipated retelling of characters from the Archie comic book series is executive produced by former Dawson's Creek writer and current superhero series god Greg Berlanti.
Planet Earth II (BBC America) A follow-up to 2006's revolutionary documentary Planet Earth, this six-part miniseries offers another close-up look at animals living in environments that would destroy wussy humans within days.
Black Sails (Starz) The final season of Starz's pirate series has promised to be the "bloody best yet." Chances are they very much took that pun to heart.
The 100 (CW) Last season, Clarke (Eliza Taylor) destroyed A.L.I.E. (Erica Cerra), despite the controlling A.I.'s claim that she was the only way to save humankind from growing radiation leaks from abandoned nuclear power plants. But what if A.L.I.E. wasn't lying?
The Cyanide & Happiness Show (Seeso) It's the third season of the animated comedy series that's purpose is to "extract the human excretion known as laughter from your face hole via fast-paced weird comedy."
Powerless (NBC) With an ensemble that includes Vanessa Hudgens, Danny Pudi, Alan Tudyk, and stand-up Ron Funches, this comedy is about the inner workings of the worst insurance company ever—and one that also happens to exist within the world of the DC Comics universe.
24: Legacy (Fox) The spinoff of the Kiefer Sutherland series stars Corey Hawkins as a war hero who must rely on the help of the nation's counterterrorism unit. Homeland fans might wonder who thought it was a good idea to put Miranda Otto in charge of said unit.
Super Bowl LI (Fox) Grunts, cheers, and concussions. We get it. Wake us when the commercials start.
Legion (FX) Fargo creator Noah Hawley's X-Men series stars Dan Stevens as David Charles Haller, the troubled mutant son of Professor Charles Xavier. Aubrey Plaza and Rachel Keller also star.
MasterChef Junior (Fox) The fifth season of the kids' cooking competition series allows for more chances for tiny culinarians to shine.
Reign (CW) Four seasons in and we're still not to the part where (spoiler alert) Mary, Queen of Scots loses her head.
Grammy Awards (CBS) This marks the first time that James Corden will serve as host for the ceremonies. He hosted the Tony Awards last year. Can you get an EGOT for hosting?
Girls (HBO) It's the final season for Lena Dunham's Hannah and her friends, but that doesn't mean they have to mature into women just yet.
Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO) The series has been on hiatus since mid-November. That's a lot of Donald Trump jokes and liberal-minded stories for one news commentator to keep bottled up.
The Walking Dead (AMC) Start betting now on which of your favorite characters will bite it when the second half of the seventh season AMC's zombie apocalypse show starts this winter.
Humans (AMC) Carrie-Anne Moss joins the second season of this sci-fi series that explores the intersecting world of humans and AIs.
The Mindy Project (Hulu) Did you really think that Mindy Laheri (Mindy Kaling) was just going to let that break up slide off her back? Then you don't watch enough of The Mindy Project.
Big Little Lies (HBO) Another one of the premium channel's latest prestige projects is David E. Kelley's adaptation of the Liane Moriarty novel and stars Nicole Kidman, Reese Witherspoon, Alexander Skarsgard, and pretty much every other actor in Hollywood.
The Good Fight (CBS) The Good Wife sequel, which focuses on Christine Baranski's Diane Lockhart, is the first drama series to air on the new digital platform, CBS All Access.
Vice (HBO) HBO's investigative documentary news series for the hipster set will have 30 episodes for its fifth season—up from the 18 in Season Four.
Academy Awards (ABC) Watch famous faces squirm as they try to look sincere and try to forget about the #OscarsSoWhite controversy from recent years when Jimmy Kimmel hosts this year's ceremony.
Taken (NBC) This prequel to the Liam Neeson movies has Vikings' Clive Standen playing the Bryan Mills character. In this version, he's a younger and hungrier former Green Beret who is also dealing with a personal tragedy. Jennifer Beals co-stars.
This story originally appeared on Esquire.com.
* Minor edits have been made by the Esquiremag.ph editors.