Music

The 11 Most Disturbing OPM Love Songs

Remember "Lumba Lumba?"
IMAGE IMDB/WIKIPEDIA
Comments

Love songs are supposed to be sweet, sentimental, and laden with enough musical mush to titillate the senses, or at the very least, put a smile on our faces. But what if they’re confusing, weird and downright creepy?

Believe it or not, love songs that are anything but sappy are more common than you think. In the tradition of Tom Reynolds’ hilarious discourse on his book The 52 Creepiest Love Songs You’ve Ever Heard, and in the spirit of good, clean fun, I present herewith the 11 most disturbing OPM love songs.

1. “Narda” by Kamikazee

How sweet—an ode to everyone’s favorite Pinay superhero. At first listen, there’s really no problem; the song is just a harmless profession of admiration for Narda a.k.a. Darna. Right? But what gives with the lines Ang swerte nga naman ni Ding / Lagi ka niyang kapiling / Kung ako sa kanya / Niligawan na kita. Err, everyone knows Ding is Narda’s brother. Shades of incest? That’s not all. Darna herself would have her hands full trying to keep away the wacko who sings to her: Tumalon kaya ako sa bangin / Para lang iyong sagipin / Ito ang tanging paraan / Para mayakap ka. Here’s the attention you ordered!

ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW
CONTINUE READING BELOW
Recommended Videos

2. “Pangarap Ko Ang Ibigin Ka” by Regine Velasquez

It's a beautiful song, sure, but this is as confounding a love song as I’ve heard in my entire life. The title alone is confusing enough: loosely translated, it means, “It’s my dream to love you.” Now why would anyone say that? When you say that you fantasize falling in love with him or her, that effectively negates the romance altogether. It’s like saying, “Hey I kinda like you, and I’m really, really hoping that maybe in the future, I’d fall in love with you. Dream ko talaga yun e.”

3. “Sinasamba Kita” by Sharon Cuneta (and Rey Valera) 

I understand George Canseco wrote this one for the Megastar herself (although Rey Valera has a popular version as well) and no one’s mocking his songwriting talents. But you have to be concerned about the mental health of anyone who sings Sinasamba kita / Higit sa’yong akalang iniibig lang kita / Paggalang ko sa’yo’y higit sa buhay kong taglay / Wala na yatang papantay / Ang buhay ma’y ibibigay ko pa / Sinasamba kita. Stalker alert! I’ve heard this sung by little kids on singing competitions, and I couldn’t help but getting a mental image of the kid bowing down in worship to the object of his or her affection. Gives me the shudders.

ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW

4. “Aray”  by  Mae Rivera 

This one should be self-explanatory. Aray! Aray! Naku! Ang sakit naman ng ginawa mo! Aray! I do love the part in the middle when Rivera starts reciting the lyrics instead of singing. And then proceeds to say Aray! like she was enjoying it. Theme song for literal masochists?

5. “Kahit Sino” by Richard Reynoso 

Kahit sino basta’t mahal ako / Kahit sino basta’t kasama ko / Sana’y di ako magkamali / Nang iibigin ko / Dahil pag ako / Ang nagmahal, ito ay totoo. Wow. Talk about wretched desperation. How much more pathetic can you get?

6. “Lakas Tama” by Siakol 

The anthem to many a drinking spree, this one is full-on bananas. Bulag ang pag-ibig / Kasabihan na sa amin / Ngunit para sa ‘yo / Ang pag-ibig ko ay duleng / Pagkat dalawang beses ako sa yo may pagtingin / Kay tindi ng ‘yong dating / Sa puso’t damdamin / Lakas tama / Ako’y nawawala / Nawawala ang isip ko / Pag nakikita na sinta. Women, a word of advice: if you ever have the misfortune of having these words sung to you by a suitor, you know it’s okay to add another lock on your door and change your phone number. While you’re at it, you can always pack your bags and move somewhere far, far away.

ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW

7. “Sa ‘Yo Lamang” by Joey Albert / Bukas Palad

I’ve had someone send me an email to say that this song, supposedly written by Fr. Manoling Francisco, is actually a church song. Nothing wrong with that. But what’s disturbing is how some people have begun to think of it as a more traditional contemporary love song. There are actually comments on YouTube (on some of the many, many versions of this song), saying they want this to play during their wedding. Come on guys. Unless you get your kicks feeling venerated like an idol, there’s really no place for this song outside of a church or place of worship. (Then again, if people want this to play during their wedding, I guess that counts?).

8. “Nilunok Kong Lahat” by Selina Sevilla 

Ah yes, Ms. Sevilla’s ubiquitous hit. How can there not be a place for this song on this list? Genius I may consider the person who wrote these lines (Lito Camo, is that you?): Malagkit mong tingin / ay nabihag ako / Kay haba-haba ng panahong dulot mo / Ang ugat ng lahat ay pag-ibig kong ito / Kahit nung una’y ayaw ko sa iyo / Nilunok kong lahat ang mga sabi mo / Na ako’y hindi iibig sa isang katulad mo, would any man appreciate hearing them being sung to him? (On second thought, that question doesn’t need to be answered).

ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW

9. “Sana Mama” by Masculados

Choice lyric: Sinlaki ng aking muscle / Pag-ibig ko sa yo / Pati pangalan mo / Nakatatak sa dibdib ko. The group, of course, is the same one that brought us that modern classic “Jumbo Hotdog.” Subtlety clearly isn’t in their vocabulary.

10. “Bakit Ako Mahihiya” by Didith Reyes 

Jukebox hits never sounded so good, but dear Ms. Didith, did you really have to sing No’ng kita’y mahalin / ‘Di ko na inisip / Ang kinabukasan ko? What happened to dignity and self-respect? Sabihin man nila / Na ako’y isang baliw / Kung dahil sa iyo giliw / Ay tatanggapin kong maluwag sa dibdib / Sapagkat mahal kita. Erm. Okay.

11. “Lumba Lumba” by Paul Toledo

Remember the days when you can write lyrics like, Nais kong malaman niyo / Ayoko ng babaeng puro buto / Ang tipo kong babae’y / Sing lapad ng barko / Kahit di pakainin / Seksing seksi pa rin? Me neither. And then of course he goes on to sing, Hindi ko kailangan ng Miss Universe / Mas gusto ko’y dabianang korteng bariles / Babaeng mataba / Tunay na maganda / Kutson at unan / Di na kailangan pa. Bless your heart, Paul Toledo.

ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW

This is an updated version of a previously published article.

Comments
View More Articles About:
About The Author
Paul John Caña
Associate Editor, Esquire Philippines
View Other Articles From PJ
Comments
Connect With Us