Do You Suck at Sexting?

Here are some pro tips on how to up your sexting game.
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Have you ever experienced a disengaging moment while sexting? Was there a time when you felt like your S.O. was not so into it? We feel you, and we’re here to help.

Sexting is sending and receiving sexually explicit messages in the form of texts and images between two persons using their smartphones. It is the digital version of "dirty talk"--those naughty conversations your parents had over their family’s analog telephone. Sexts only became more popular because technology changed the way we communicate over long distances.

Unfortunately, some people are more eloquent at talking dirty personally than putting it in writing. Speaking and writing, after all, are two dichotomous things.

What many people don’t realize is that sexting, like speaking, requires skill. Wordsmiths--the writers, composers, and artists--are some of the best sexters around. Sexting can be a powerful asset that can stimulate anyone’s imagination and sex drive. Wielded properly, not only can you trigger potent sexual desires in your S.O., you can also write a book laden with sexts and erotica and make millions of dollars in profit from its sales. Oh, wait...

Sexting is about Language

There’s a reason why the erotic novel, Fifty Shades of Grey flew off bookshelves in 2012, with women comprising a majority of its readers. It was basically porn laid out as words and printed as a book.

When it comes to sexting, men and women are stimulated differently. Women tend to get more excited with a man’s use of words, while men prefer visuals: “Send nudes.” (It’s simple and efficient!)


As much as we like the visual aspect of sexting, a lot of our brothers make the common mistake of assuming that women also want to see our junk and then send dick pics. Our advice: Don’t (unless she asked for it).

So how is it done?


When sexting, take it slow and start with a tease. It arouses curiosity and stimulates imagination. Not all sexting has to be explicit, because there’s a subtlety about a good tease that makes it irresistible.


I dreamt about you last night.

Do you wanna know what happened?

I thought of something I want to do to you tonight!

Use action words, not adjectives.

If you want your S.O. to imagine something sexy about you, always use action words in sexting. Verbs are more powerful than adjectives in describing or portraying scenes. You can use the structure: I/You + (verb) + (noun).

If you’re not sure what to say or instead of just saying you’re horny, just think of what you want to do to your S.O. and then exaggerate it. You can also specify where you will do it and why you will do it.


Babe I’m so hungry, I will ravage you when I get home.

Talk dirty.

When it comes to talking dirty, you have to milk it. Talking dirty is the core of sexting. It paints a visual of the unfolding fantasy between you and your partner. You can describe how your body is reacting to her sexts, you can instruct her to do naughty things while fantasizing about you, and you can make naughty comments about her body. You can narrate your situation, too. Sometimes, it beomes more exciting when you’re in an awkward situation.

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Seeing your body and not being able to touch it is TORTURE. I’m walking with my buddies and having a HARD time doing so.

If your partner sends pics, send something back.

Sexting is a two-way street, and it only works when both parties give and take. If you cannot send something back (because you’re in transit or in a public area), an effusive praise is in order.


Damn, babe! That pic felt like a bus just hit me. WOW.

Bank on past events that happened.

Memories can evoke very powerful affections that you can harness to improve sexting. Just make sure to choose the best ones.


Remember that time when we (fill in the blank)? I still can’t get out of my mind what we did last week.

Compliments always work.

If you have nothing to say, pay a compliment.


I love it when you talk like that.

Oh god, that always turns me on.

Use emojis, memes, and GIFs.

Feel free to insert appropriate emojis like the fire emoji when you are sexting.

For reference, there is actually a glossary of sext-appropriate emojis out there for people who want to be extra playful while sexting. Memes and GIFs also improve your game. They add more content to your conversation without the pressure of being original.

Ask Questions.

This technique is a great way to keep the conversation going. Angled properly, questions make your sexting more interesting.


What part of me do you want to see?


How would you like me to turn you on?

How do you fantasize about me?

Sexting is an art that requires skill to master. Your words have immediate and significant impact on the person you are sexting with. Just remember that while sexting is a great way to explore and grow your relationship with your S.O., the thrill of a sext can just as easily be achieved by whispering in your S.O.’s ear or by gently playing with her hair.

Apps for Sexting

When you’re looking for apps for sexting, the first thing you have to consider is encryption. Facebook’s Messenger is a ubiquitous app that is convenient for instant communication, but in order to enable end-to-end encryption, you have to activate its Secret Conversations, which can be toggled at the info icon on the upper right corner of the chat interface. This way, conversations between you and your sext-mate can only be seen on two specific devices, even if other people have access to your account. Other reliable apps for sexting include WhatsApp, Viber, and Google’s very own Allo, which are all encrypted for your privacy and security. 

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Mario Alvaro Limos
Features Editor, Esquire Philippines
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