Sex & Relationships

Your BDSM Guide: Inside the World of a Dominatrix in the Philippines

Can you be a good slave for Mistress Jane?
ILLUSTRATOR WARREN ESPEJO
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We can catch a fish by its mouth, they say. And Mistress Jane can catch a newbie to the bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism (BDSM) world by their questions. There are some things we never ask, like what was the weirdest thing a dominatrix has done for someone. 

"What exactly is weird?" Mistress Jane replied. "In the vanilla world, I believe what I do is already weird."

It's humiliating, but humiliation is part of the game, we suppose. Chances are, we and Mistress Jane  have very different definitions of odd. In these dazzling otherworldly dens, the first rule is: no kink-shaming. The second is to let go and be a good slave. Nothing is weird and everything is fair game. Subs that ask too much questions get whipped in some cases. But we have been good to Mistress Jane this time, so she answers our query.

"I came across an unusual request: the customer has a sexual affinity for cars (mechanophilia), and he wants me to run him down and pull him for kilometers on a bad road," she explained. "Even though it is one of the strangest requests I have received, I consider it a positive since it is not illegal. However, dragging someone behind a vehicle is unlawful."

While she does offer services for practically every BDSM scene, she knows her boundaries. Mistress Jane doesn't mess with scat, vomit, severe asphyxiation, illegal play, intimate play, nudity, or escort services. Her usual playgrounds are hotels in Manila, Makati, and Bonifacio Global City, as they are considered easily accessible neutral spots for clients. Sometimes, she would have people fly her to and from different cities domestically and internationally for some sessions.

"Of course, I charge extra," she noted.

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Who is Mistress Jane?

Nobody really grows up dreaming about being a dominatrix, even Mistress Jane. It kind of just happens somehow. There's that one particular moment that starts pulling you into the community. For her, the awakening she had was from one of her psychology classes.

"My interest in BDSM began in college when I studied psychology since I've always been interested in how people act. I recall especially a short presentation on DSM-V (Paraphilic Disorder), which sparked my interest in fetishes and led me to join the BDSM community," Mistress Jane said. "It was then that I met my first dom and began my journey into the realm of professional dominance."

The "manual" she's talking about is the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. Paraphilic disorders, in particular, are distressing and disabling recurrent, intense, sexually arousing fantasies, urges, or behaviors. They usually involve inanimate objects, non-consenting adults, humiliation, children, and partners with the potential to cause harm, as defined in the Johns Hopkins Psychiatry Guide.

Domination used to simply be a part-time job for her until she went full-time with it. From time to time, though, she does have to take on the occasional side project for human resource services. The job has affected her personal life and relationships, too. From the start, she only informed her family and close friends, but more people would soon find out about her services when she started promoting herself on social media.

"Because of their judgment, I experienced retribution for being transparent," she said.

Being a psychology major, Mistress jane has applied a lot of what she learned in school to the dominatrix game. "Kinks and fetishes are human behaviors, therefore I understand why people behave in this manner," she noted. "As a Mistress, I find it much simpler to manage the session without passing judgment. I understand what they need and why they pay me to provide it."

How to become a dom

There's no one way to become a dom. Sure, there are courses and certifications online, but they aren't everything. You're going to need a few friends to teach you the ropes. Mistress Jane had multiple mentors to teach her how to be a professional domme, as well. Other dommes, like Mistress Sofia (Sherry Lever) from the United Kingdom, she had admired from afar. "I like her sense of humor and can identify with her."

A majority of dominatrix professionals have been in the industry for two to three decades. Workshops on fundamental play were part of the gig, too. She was also educated on the use of various toys and ropes.

"There is no official training required to be a domme, however, not everyone with whips can be a domme," she expressed. "As a dominatrix or prodomme, you need a greater grasp of the BDSM scene. Continuous learning with submissives and being active is how I gain more knowledge about new kinks and fetishes."

A majority of Mistress Jane's clients are actually foreigners, and they usually book ahead of time. The intervals vary, too. Sometimes, she gets clients four times a week, or none at all for a whole month. There are instances where her services are called upon twice in a single day. As for their profiles, they usually are men in their 30s to mid-50s, and are all about discovering their kinks.

"In their corporate vanilla lives, the majority of them are alphas who want to abandon control, renounce power, and be submissive," she told Esquire Philippines.

How about friendship? "I try to maintain my ties with them as professionally as possible. Although this is a business with pleasure," she quipped.

What Mistress Jane doesn't like

Photo by ADragan/Shutterstock.

Being a dominatrix in the Philippines isn't exactly the safest job in the world. Sessions are secretly held in hotel rooms while munches and parties take place underground. Local dungeons are not commonplace, as well.

"It makes me feel unsafe," Mistress Jane said about the clandestine nature of the scene. "If BDSM is publicly recognized in the Philippines, doing it in dungeons is much safer. Those predators who disguise themselves as dom/sub are easily eliminated."

The fact that divorce, Mistress Jane, pointed out, still isn't legalized in the country only goes to show that we have a long way to go before we become more tolerant towards the atypical. In a conservative country like ours, taboos run amok. But Catholic guilt hasn't ever stopped anyone from a little indulgence here and there.

There are a lot of misconceptions to the job that she wants to debunk. "One popular misunderstanding about dominatrixes is that we are prostitutes or kinky sex workers or escorts. This is not the case. Sex is not even on the table."

Overall, she's satisfied with her gig, but says that if she could change one thing, it would be the public's perception. Mistress Jane sometimes even wishes she was a sex educator.

Still, she regrets nothing. "It's empowering to be a dominatrix...Consent and respecting boundaries are central to my work. I consider myself to be in the service of therapy or stress relief. For example, when a woman wants to go to a spa. Men often come to me to give up control, as a sort of release from their stressful job situations."

The job, however, isn't something she would encourage people to do. She expressed that she wouldn't advise it because of the simple fact that BDSM is just frowned upon in the Philippines.

"But if you're just starting as a prodomme and want some guidance, I'm happy to help. I just urge everyone to be sex-positive and accept their sexuality."

How to be a good sub

Photo by K Petro/Shutterstock.

Mistress Jane charges $250 (about P13,400) for a three-hour session under the basic package. This includes basic toys, like handcuffs, gags, and the like. Pricing for real-time sessions change. She does  online sessions every day. For those deals, it can be a lot cheaper. For a better glimpse of her rates, well, you're just going to have to check with her through the Sultry Domina domain for reservations. It's a personalized experience, after all.

How should you go about your first time with a dom? Mistress Jane's best advice is to not be embarrassed about your kinks. "Book it, and be very honest about everything. Prodommes are the most sympathetic and nonjudgmental on this subject," she said.

A session will be determined by your kinks and fetishes, as well as your degree of experience and the topics you choose to explore. Consent and limits are practiced religously in BDSM activities. For those who are into BDSM porn, you have to temper your expectations.

"What you see on BDSM porn is not a representation of the actual sessions," she explained.

Mistresses like her ask detailed questions after the service has been scheduled. Some of them even offer to meet in a neutral location beforehand to create rapport. But more than anything else, remember never to commit one of the gravest sins of all.

"Don't come as a time-waster. [Don't be] indecisive," she expressed. "Because most prodommes will not entertain you."

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About The Author
Bryle B. Suralta
Assistant Section Editor
Bryle B. Suralta is the assistant section editor of Esquire Philippines.
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