What Do Women Think of Uncircumcised Penises?
The inevitability of seeing an uncircumcised penis IRL for the first time threw me into a panic. What do you do with all that foreskin? Does it still have floppy skin leftover when it is hard? What does it smell like?
So I called an expert, my gay friend, for help. He gave me timeless advice that serves me well to this day: Pull the skin back gently, then you can do whatever you want.
Simple enough even for an uncut virgin like me.
Turns out there are other uncut virgins out there. Like my friend who I will call The Girl Scout. The excitement of an expanding “meet market” was matched by the apprehension of encountering a penis in its birthday suit. “What do I do with all that excess skin?”, she wondered. She was sure she would be flustered and decided to consult Google who not only gave her visual references but also useful tips.
But Google kind of came up short when it came to her other concern: hygiene. It was time to call in the big guns, her gay friend, aka her Fairy Godmother.
He gave her something of a Golden Rule, The Uncut Version: When going down a man’s happy trail, make a short stop at his belly button. If his navel already stinks, then head back up and stay there.
“It was very very useful advice,” said The Girl Scout, who lamented that she hasn’t had the pleasure of applying her research yet. "It’s not like a prerequisite that I can slyly check over dinner when he’s not looking,” she purred demurely. “But at least I did the research so in case I find myself in a hot and heavy situation that I don’t want to, ahem, cut, I’ll know what to do.” You gotta give the woman credit for covering her bases before she even gets to first base. (Aannndd that’s why I call her The Girl Scout.)
Why do we women get our panties in a wad over uncut penises? In a country where almost all the men are circumcised, The Uncut have a reputation that precedes them. The Supot get a bad rap for being scruffy, smelly, and just plain aesthetically unpleasing. They are like the ugly stepbrother of their trimmed counterparts.
The Supot get a bad rap for being scruffy, smelly, and just plain aesthetically unpleasing.
It is rare to find a penis in its original state among Filipino men. C’mon, this is the country where summer is equated to sun, sand, and getting snipped. Clinics unfurl their promo tarps announcing "free tuli" to welcome the hordes of prepubescent boys who come marching in (or are dragged) to undergo rite of passage that will make them a man. We even tried to make it to the Guinness Book of World Records once when more than 1,500 boys got circumcised. Sadly, we didn’t, uhm, make the cut. But we did make it to the Daily Mail who reported the mass circumcision of 300 schoolboys going under the knife on school tables.
Are we at the point of the story where I tell you that in the Victorian times, circumcision was supposed to treat masturbation?
Anyway, you get it. A penis that hasn’t come in contact with a scalpel is a unicorn in the Philippines.
At least that’s what another acquaintance said. She’s what I would call a convert. After having her sexual history filled with only The Tuli, she got her taste of The Uncut and has become a fan.
“Uncut penises have this wonderful cushion of skin around them that's gentler on the vaginal wall, and feels sensational inside. Less friction. You feel the shaft thrusting in and out, and the skin also moves though not as much, and in the opposite direction as the shaft,” she gushed.
An uncut penis is an “iron fist with a velvet glove” enthused my acquaintance, who insisted that she be called Unicorn Rider for this story. But she did have a disclaimer: Strictly speaking, when it comes to an disembodied penis, without all the trappings and complications attached to it (a man, for starters), The Uncut make her panties drop. But she’s currently in a relationship with a man who has done away with the foreskin and she loves him and his penis. “We’ve been together for years and I still fantasize about him. He is dynamite in bed.”
An uncut penis is an “iron fist with a velvet glove.”
The other girls I interviewed pretty much said the same thing: A penis is a penis. First and foremost, it has to be hard to make us happy. And in case you’re wondering, getting snipped has nothing to do with getting and staying hard. Honey, you’re either hard or you’re not.
As another friend, The MILF, said: ” Cut. Uncut. I like them all.”