Everyone Is Talking About Chris Pine’s Dick, But Please Look at His Leather Jacket
Ever since Pratt lost weight, Hemsworth became Thor, and Evans decided to get woke as hell on Twitter, the Internet has gotten itself significantly horned up about "The Chrisses," a group that also includes—and in my opinion, is led by—Certified Hunk Chris Pine.
Sure, there's something endearing about the approachability of Chris Pratt and his cute dad-ness. And yeah, Chris Hemsworth's accent and general mass could make anyone's knees weak. But Mr. Pine is much more than just a guy with a face. Of all the Chrisses, he exudes cool more effortlessly than the rest. He put that on display Wednesday night in New York City during his Outlaw King press tour, which has been buzzing on the 'net the past few days, not because of his piercing blue eyes or acting performance, but because of his dick, which makes an appearance in the film. People who've seen the full-frontal scene say Pine's showmanship is more Gone Girl than Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Pine himself described it as "no Fassbender situation," referring to the actor's delicate dangle in 2011's Shame. But I digress.
Pine earns himself a few Flag Up Mailbox Emojis for his fit. First off, the leather jacket is freakin' good, you guys. The chocolate-brown, cropped moto jawn looks crisp (but also distressed), has a few extra pockets (but not too many), and fits him all-too perfectly. If you're not careful, a cropped jacket can make your whole upper body look disproportionate, but because Pine chose a tee that's longer, but not too long, he's fully avoided looking like this.
Further, Pine has accomplished something I, myself, have been uncomfortable with attempting for some time: stylishly pairing black and brown. It's not against the rules, because it's not 1983 and there are no rules except that you don't dress like this guy. But that doesn't make it easy to pull off. Pine does it here with a pair of black Ray-Bans (albeit the evening, sir) and black jeans. The lesson is if you're going to get a little ballsy with atypical color combos, keep everything simple. In fact, just always keep everything simple. I swear to God if I see another frat bro at a holiday event in a full Tipsy Elves suit I'm gonna Sepuku myself and ruin the party.
Again, I digress. Later in the evening, perhaps even just moments later, Pine, in the same outfit, was captured doing this cool-guy pose.
Look at the slightly raised eyebrow. Look at the swift movement. Look at the pursed lips. He's the guy she told you not to worry about, and soon, he's the guy whose dick deets you're referencing over hot toddies by the fire. He's Chris Pine. He's the best Chris.
This story originally appeared on Esquire.com. Minor edits have been made by the Esquiremag.ph editors.