A Nose Hair Trimmer Is the Safest Way to Prevent Mortifying Midday Epiphanies
You ever look in the mirror halfway through the day and notice a particularly long hair poking out of a nostril? Like fuck, man. How long has that been there? I've been interacting with people all up close and personal for hours now and no one said a thing. Goddamn. The mark of a real friend is not whether they'll tell you about the leafy greens stuck between your teeth—it's whether they'll tell you about all the long-ass hairs coming out of your nose.
If you're worried about being publicly shamed because of your unruly nose hair, it might be time to invest in a nose hair trimmer, the failsafe solution to taming any hairs sprouting at whim from your nostrils. Trust me, these bad boys are way more consistent than relying on the not-so-gentle nudge of a friend. (FYI: Another failsafe solution to hiding any unwanted nose hairs? Wear a fucking mask!)
And whatever you do, don't try and poke around with a regular old shaver up there, no matter how desperate you get. I've got a family full of emergency-room doctors, man. I've heard the horror stories. (Do I regret not going into medicine? Hell no, dog. I save lives my own way. You don't see the doctors in my family preventing people from, like, accidentally severing a nostril artery, do you? You could say I'm a hero.)
Sure, these days it's hard to make out more than a few pixels of any colleague's face, but for safety's sake I took the liberty of tracking down a few of the best nose hair trimmers to buy now, in the hopes that when we all return to the office they'll be way fewer mortifying midday epiphanies to contend with. Shave carefully, folks.
Micro Groomsman Personal Pen Trimmer, Wahl
Wahl's pocketable multipurpose trimmer is perfectly suited for grooming on-the-go (so you can discretely bust it out in a bathroom at work to tidy up any errant hairs in a pinch). Its rotary heads will also work wonders when it comes to any last-minute sideburn/beard touch-ups. amazon.com
Ear, Nose, & Brow Trimmer, Wahl
If you're partial to Wahl's products but want to invest in a trimmer that feels a bit more substantial (at a similarly fair price), the brand also makes another solid portable wet/dry option. This one features a sleek, ergonomic body with an easy-to-clean head specifically designed for precision trimming. amazon.com
Nose, Ear & Detail Trimmer, Remington
Remington takes care to endow its grooming products with a signature easy-to-use nature, and its nose hair trimmer is no exception. The brand's trimmer is an ideal entry-level option if you want a product that'll consistently do what you need it to, sans any deluxe (and often extraneous) bells and whistles. A waterproof exterior and an automatic interior cleaning system make this model one you can't beat for sheer practicality—all at a bargain price. amazon.com
Nose Hair Trimmer, Tweezerman
If you can get past the slightly punny name, Tweezerman's trimmer turns out to be a highly effective non-motorized option for tidying up your nostril hairs. The brand's manual clipper reduces the risk of any potentially painful accidents through a charmingly straightforward grooming mechanism. Simply squeeze the levers to rotates the blade at a speed you're in control of throughout the entire process. (FWIW, plucking your nose hairs sans a device especially designed for the task? Still definitely not the play.) amazon.com
Stainless Steel Nose and Ear Hair Trimmer, ToiletTree
ToiletTree's heavy duty nose hair trimmer doesn't mess around. The brand's attachment-free trimmer is durable as all hell and super easy to clean, but what really sets it apart from the pack is the product's standout LED light, which allows you to get at hard-to-reach hairs with minimal fumbling involved. (Fumbling: Never a good idea when you're in the middle of grooming...anything!) amazon.com
Ear & Nose Trimmer, Braun
If you weren't already using a Braun product of some sort in your grooming regimen consider its stellar nose hair trimmer an introduction to what the brand does best: super powerful devices wrapped in the simple, no-frills packaging of best-in-class ergonomic design. Backed by a storied industry pedigree that informs the look and feel of all its products, Braun is still one to beat, no matter what part of your body you're looking to tidy up. amazon.com
Nosetrimmer 5000, Philips Norelco
Philips Norelco's slightly pricier nose hair trimmer offers an expectedly premium grooming experience (to the extent you consider trimming your nose hair an "experience"). The product's blade is specifically designed to provide a comfortable trim by preventing any pulling throughout the process, and works seamlessly to match the contours of your nose to catch any hard-to-cut hairs with ease. amazon.com
Ear and Nose Hair Trimmer, Panasonic
Ah, the Panasonic ER-GN70-K. A truly top of the line model with the technical-sounding name to match. Panasonic's option might be more expensive than any of the others included here, but its trimmer doesn't skimp on the details. Yes, it includes wet/dry grooming capabilities that make using it anytime, anywhere a cinch (naturally). And yes, its hypoallergenic blades boast an absurdly high cuts per minute. But it's also a super-sturdy absolute unit of an instrument rendered in sleek stainless steel that will, most importantly, trim nose hairs you didn't even know you had. And, really, isn't that what it's all about? amazon.com
This story originally appeared on Esquire.com. Minor edits have been made by the Esquiremag.ph editors.