How To Deal With Negastars: An Examination of the Hateful People in Your Neighborhood


I like to think that God throws us curve balls just to keep us on our toes, and sometimes the curve balls come in the form of challenging people. These include the angry people, the difficult people, the sad people, or just the plain ol' bad people. Let’s call them the Negastars.

They can be found anywhere and everywhere: at the shop, side-eyeing your old-season purse; in my old New York office, giving me a death stare; and maybe beside you right now, sniggering at your choice of leisure reading (me!).

How do you know if the people around you are living vacuums of happiness, and how do you deal with their constant parade of thunder and rain? First, let us get to know them.


Who are the hateful people in your neighborhood?

The Cup of Wrath
This one’s easy. She is always angry. The slightest deviation from her idea of what should happen causes a meltdown. Woe to ladies and gents who need to work with her for they are always in the line of fire: What’s that, you say? We’ve run out of matcha tea. We’ve run out of matcha! THERE IS NO MORE MATCHA ANYWHERE! WHAT DO YOU MEAN! I CAN NOT UNDERSTAND!

The One With The Complex
She was once an ugly duckling, maybe with a lot to love around the middle, a horrid haircut, and pimples—and the children were very mean to her in school. Then, in a twist of (movie) fate, she learned how to brush hair, lost a lot of weight, and became a wonder woman. But she is still very bitter! She still thinks that people are out to get her, and so she shuts everyone out, giving them the cold shoulder and keeping them at a distance. My beautiful dear, relax!


The Eternally Hateful
While The Cup of Wrath is like the summer sun on a cloudless day, the Eternally Hateful is more like a concealed dagger. You know she is thinking some horrible thought about you (“This woman looks like a dumpy potato today”) or planning to do something horrible to you (“I am going to take a photo and send it to my friends with the caption: dumpy potato). She won’t say her ill thoughts out loud—not to your face at least—but you can feel it. So dark is her aura that mere proximity to her causes instant malaise.

The Pessimist
Also known as Debbie Downer or Mister No. “Debs, isn't my new puppy adorable?” “Puppies have rabies.” “Mister, you should date Debs!” “No. She is a potato.” Like the Eternally Hateful, these creatures are black holes that swallow joy from their surroundings. Their default is to find the problem, the negative, or the no. And there is no talking them out of their downward spiral for, in their mind, every day is like an Emily Brontë novel.

The High and Mighty
There will always be someone truly richer, truly thinner, and truly more beautiful than you. And some of these lucky creatures think that, just because they are a little better, they can treat people with disdain. Their lips curl, eyes deaden, and mouths shut tight at the sight of someone who, in their estimation, is not their peer. They will even move just a smidge away from you, a person unworthy of their time and attention. They are the trickiest to deal with.

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How to deal with Negastars

1. As a beautiful person who follows the light, first give these people the benefit of the doubt. Maybe her contorted face is because of a persistent tummy problem? Maybe he is a naturally loud speaker? Maybe she's just having a bad day.

2. You can also try to turn the dour situation around with an explosion of positivity. “Don't worry about the matcha because, you know, it is so over! It’s all about turmeric now! Here, have some of mine!”

3. What they say can feel awfully awful, especially if it has been delivered at the top of their lungs, as in the case of The Cup of Wrath, but never let their actions puncture your heart. Let their negativity wash away. Don’t soak in it.

4. When all else fails, just keep the peace. Ignore the death stares and negative comments (don’t feed the troll!). Minimize your interactions as much as possible (avoid this person!). You’ve tried to reach out to them, but they just won’t budge. It’s time to move on.

5. The best shield is a happy heart, a radiant and unbreakable spirit that borders on crazy. In my experience, crazy trumps angry and grumpy always.


Oh, and are you one of them?

If you find yourself identifying with any of these characters, take a look at yourself in your silver-leafed mirror and then count the wrinkles on your forehead and also note the dark circles around your eyes or the hair that falls off your head every day.


As my Truly Rich Grandmother says, “Hate makes you ugly, Si-si. Be nice.” (She only says this to me whenever we are in earshot of her nemesis, my other Truly Rich Grandmother—who, now that I think about it, does look like a Cubist-era Picasso). But in all seriousness, ugly behavior is rooted in something dark, so please ask yourself what is the real reason you feel so angry, grumpy, insecure, hurt, or lonely?

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C.C. Coo
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