Dirty Little Secrets: Outrageous Rich People Tales

Have you heard about the dogs who drink water from France, get a massage every week, and fly private?

Sshh! Just popping in to share a few outrageous stories about my Truly Rich Friends. Please don’t let them know that it was I, Si-si Coo, who spilled the beans on their wild behavior (I still want to have dinner at their mansions). But I couldn't resist sharing these juicy tidbits.

How To Solve A Problem

Truly Rich Grandparent was in the middle of a simmering battle with his neighbor, who had been hogging the street with his obnoxious collection of customized sports cars. The uncaring brute even parked his cars in front of the old man’s driveway. Aside from making the view of the old man’s mansion an eyesore (who wants to look at cars? Not him.), it was a great inconvenience. TRG kept getting trapped on his own estate until the guards and drivers could sort it out.

“So this is what I did, Si-si,” he told me. “I backed my Mercedes out of the driveway and just did not stop. Too bad.” Old man rear-ended one of his neighbor's shiny new sportscars with one of his old reliable cars. And didn't care.

How To Say Thank You

I heard this from the lady who does my eyebrows. One of her Truly Rich Beauty Regulars threw a spa party on the topmost floor of a fancy hotel (just because!), and had asked her to take care of all the hairy brows. Frozen faces, old crones, bored daughters, and more were in attendance, and all wanted to partake in the (free) day of pampering. She had her work cut out for her, waxing and threading and tweezing all those rich people's brws.


At day’s end, all the guests were drunk on Champagne and chocolate. Meanwhile, her hands were cramping. When it was time to pay, her regular (also very drunk) shoved a limited-edition designer handbag in her face as tip.

Brow lady wanted so badly to accept the gift, but she just couldn’t! It did not feel right. So the Truly Rich Regular put her hands inside the bag, fished out a thick wad of crisp bills, and tossed it in her lap. "Don't worry, it's guilt money from my husband," the host said. "He's very guilty." The lucky eyebrow lady received a five-figure tip. “She was sooo nice!” she told me. And what of her eyebrows? “Impeccable!”

How To Organize The House

One of the most unfair facts in life is that those who have money get all the free things. Truly Rich Socialite, who has an inexplicable following (the public is enamored with her face and shenanigans!), receives so many packages from companies who want to work with her—jewelry, shoes, teacups, makeup, bathtubs, exotic plants—you name them, she's gotten them for free.

Thing is, she doesn’t need them or care for them (though she will make a point to thank the senders when she sees them in public), so every time a new package arrives, she sends it to The Room. I’ve never seen it, but my little birds tell me that it is the entire basement of her (generic) palatial mansion. Most of the boxes are partially opened (she takes photos) and some remain sealed. My little birds also tell me that her problem (hoarding? disinterest? selfishness?) one day led to a stink. Inside oone of the packages was a stuffed pig stuffed with a bird stuffed with a smaller bird, and it decomposed. And they couldn't tell which box it was in.

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How To Wait For Your Driver

Never have I shopped liked this Truly Rich Bored Housewife. Her one pet peeve is that she hates waiting for anything and most especially for her husband, who is constantly late. Her one quirk is what she does when she finds herself waiting.

Once, when her husband was caught in a traffic jam on the corner of the street a few minutes away, she got into one of her moods. So bored was bored housewife that she walked to the next door high-rise, a new luxury development that was started selling its one-apartment-per floor units. She bought two in five minutes. She never moved in. Her husband never made her wait again.

How To Recycle

What do you do when you spill wine over your very, very expensive designer handbag? Do you send it to the store? Do you give it to a Just Rich Person? Do you put a patch over it?

If you are Truly Rich Crazy Lady you throw the stained thing in the garbage bin and then unbox a pristine one—in the same style!—and go on with your life. The crazy lady, who I confess is one my dearest friends, has a closet full of these expensive bags in the same style. I asked, “How do you recycle?” She responded, “Si-si, you don’t.”

How To Take Care of Pets

The Great Pyrenees is a giant dog that thrives in the wintry cold and, naturally, hates the warm weather of Manila. Truly Rich Collector gets what he wants, so despite the weather situation, he acquired two majestic Pyrs, a male and a female. To accommodate his latest obsession, he simply purchased an adjacent lot and then built a separate house—big enough for the average human family—that was air-conditioned round the clock. The dogs drink only water from France (yes!), get a massage every week, and fly private. They are obviously happy.


How To Take Care of Kids

Well, you hire nannies, of course. And then, according to Truly Rich But Busy Mom, you distract the children with toys. Every day, thousands-of-pesos-worth of new toys arrive at the mansion. It’s like Christmas, but instead of Santa, you have the nannies plan and buy the gifts for the little kids.

There are so many toys, old and new, broken and hardly used, that the busy mom tasked her house manager to build an extra-large closet (actually a spacious room) for their safekeeping. Meanwhile, the nannies share a little room on top of the garage. As for the kids, they always cry for mommy, but they shut up when they see the toys. I guess it works?

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C.C. Coo
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