How to Become a Truly Green Lady, According to the Truly Rich Lady
I am proud to say that, when I was in grade school, I was the vice president of Friends of Mother Earth, the after-school club for young people who were passionate about saving the planet from the iron fist of pollution and stupid people.
Our regular activities include recycling, not using electricity (meetings were lit by candles and warm), and making posters with natural dyes. Our greatest triumph was increasing threefold the collection of crushed aluminum Coke cans.
But we were not considered cool. Most students thought we were crunchy weirdos in our Birkenstocks and the mean girls even spread a rumor that we smelled of dried leaves and day-old fish. Back then being a FOME was social suicide.
Now that I am a Truly Rich Lady, I am still a great friend of the environment and, what do you know, being pro-nature and wearing Birks are cool now. My years of staying faithful to green living have paid off. In fact, in my circle of privileged friends, I am considered the influencer when it comes to saving the planet.
Because the polar caps are melting, the Amazon Forest is burning, and the weather is becoming more erratic than my hair, the words on the lips of every Truly Rich Lady who feel guilty about having so much money and so needs to do something good is climate change. They are very worried and they turn to me.
A rich friend asks: “Si-si, I am so rich to the point of embarrassment. I would like to help save the planet from boiling. What can I do to start? Where can I throw my money at to solve the crisis of the climate.”
Well, So Rich Friend, I am Truly Rich, but I do not like to just write a check and then lay my head on a pillow stuffed with money. Instead, I actually do things.
Green Idea 1: Start with something easy.
Indeed, there are many ways to go about this. You can start by changing all the light bulbs in your mansions from regular power-hungry units to energy-efficient LED lights. You can also stop eating gourmet burgers, whose patties are made from cows, animals whose upkeep put tremendous stress on the earth. You can also reduce the use of plastic by bringing someone with arms (an assistant or house staff) who will carry all the stuff you have bought from the eco-store.
Green Idea 2: And then do something chic.
While these are valid, they are also boring. For you, a woman of means and I presume style, I prescribe something natural: shopping. I point you to the many designer or specialty brands that produce lovely frocks made from upcycled materials. Sure, they have this faint feel of a hand-me-down retaso, but that homespun vintage look is all the rage right now. I am sure you were at the artisanal fairs that sell local products made from green materials? I, myself, bought a wardrobe of tunics to help save the environment and now I look chic.
Green Idea 3: Try something uncomfortable.
My Truly Rich Mother and I have agreed to use the same car every Tuesdays and Thursdays.
At first, it was ugh. Sharing a ride was difficult because where will I put my bag if my mother is sitting beside me? And how can I prepare for an impromptu date if we have to pick her up from wherever she was? My Truly Rich Mother was not happy about this, so I said to her: “This is for the future of the greatest mother, Mother Earth.” And she replied, “I would be dead when that future arrives, Si-si, so please let us use two cars today.” Okay.
Green Idea 4: Never give up.
When Mother refused to budge, I decided to stay at home and let her use the car. And when I had to go somewhere, I did the bravest thing a Truly Rich Lady can ever do: I asked my assistant to order those cars from the app. A premium car and even a regular car were not available so when the service arrived at my house, there were other people there. How novel. It was a tight squeeze and someone smelled of carbs, but I just told myself that this was for a good cause.
Green Idea 5: Think big.
A woman of means, access, and influence can do more than switch lightbulbs and use her mouth when drinking from a glass. I am jealous that I did not come up with the idea of putting together a green bazaar where my friends can spend obscene amounts of money on goods made out of recyclables. But there is room for more, so why not put a competing bazaar scheduled after the original bazaar. They won’t mind, right? If you do not want to ruffle any feathers, establish a charity, ball, auction or a charity ball auction in the name of the planet. Another powerful course of action is talking to your politician, who are your dear friends, about this matter.
Green Idea 6: Be calm.
In the middle of my gentle proselyting, some heathen had the nerve to say, “Si-si, please shad up. Climate change is not real. Stop blathering about light bulbs and upcycling.” I bit the inside of my cheeks to prevent myself from screaming. After a beat, I told her:
“I am not sure what you’ve been told, but the alarming rate of the earth’s warming is going to make a future world unlivable or, at least, uncomfortable for your spoiled grandchildren or even your children, so chew on that while your munching on your juicy burger made of cows, which are, by the way, responsible for 14.5 percent of global greenhouses. You, existing and eating right now, are actually a problem. But don’t worry, dear! I will put together my charity ball auction for the enlightenment of climate change deniers. You are of course invited. The dress code is green.”
