10 Cars for Men Who Are Having a Midlife Crisis
In the over-50 age bracket where I belong, I envy my batchmates who have the guts to match jogger pants with multi-colored socks and white, low-cut Chuck Taylor shoes.
While malling with their wives and children, they proudly wear tight-fitting floral polo shirts as if they were millennials, unmindful of their bulging tummies and vanishing hair. Always in a state of denial, they’re also quick to deny that they have pain even when they can no longer stand up straight after simply bending down to those aforementioned sneakers. They will never tell you their age.
Without a doubt, these are symptoms of men trapped in a midlife crisis. Common among people aged 45 to 65, midlife crisis isn't a new phenomenon, but the difference lies in how individuals deal with it. It affects almost all aspects of life, including the person's choice of car. Sometimes, they're politically correct, but sometimes they end up regretting such flashy decisions. Even if the car doesn’t fit their lifestyle, budget, or physical condition, they’ll still buy it.
After all, the bottom line is happiness, fleeting or otherwise.
Brace yourselves, because here are the 10 most sought-after cars of men experiencing a midlife crisis.
1| Ford Mustang GT
The Ford Mustang has impressed generations of car lovers. A love that can be traced back to your father’s grandfather, you're probably also hankering for a Mustang, too, the latest edition of this P3 million+ muscle car, just to, you know, keep up the family tradition.
2| Nissan GT-R
So you want to hang out in a popular coffee shop at Burgos Circle on Sundays? No matter what strata of society you belong to, there will always be a reserved parking slot for you as long as you’re driving this P7.35 million 3.8-liter V6 Godzilla, which is your ticket to an exclusive group of sports car owners who regularly hang out in that place. You might have to alert the parking attendants to help you out of its low bucket seats though.
3| Jeep Wrangler Rubicon
Your gout and arthritis problems suddenly disappear whenever discussions about off-roading are brought up. This full-blooded off-road brute can take you through thick mud and heart-pumping river crossings with no sweat. But off-roading is not a joking matter. Even if you feel that you are immortal while driving the Wrangler, make sure to take your maintenance meds in the morning. You might as well bring your BP monitor, too.
4| Toyota 86
You and your son will likely fight over the keys of this affordable yet awesome sports car. The 86 is so likeable that you would rather endure osteoporosis than miss all the fun driving it. When it comes to the driving soundtrack, will it be a toss between Justin Bieber or George Michael?
5| Toyota FJ Cruiser
Men in a midlife crisis always complain about their cramped office spaces, yet they are willing to sacrifice roominess for the look of this retro-style SUV. You’ll never hear rumblings about its limited four-corner visibility and small cargo area. Most of the time, however, you’ll find these men rattled on how to engage the four-wheel drive system or open the rear 'suicide doors'.
6| Mazda MX-5
This award-winning roadster is always at the top of the list of every troubled man. Sleek and sexy, the Miata is effective in seducing young ladies who are drooling for a joyride in a convertible. The problem is, groovy daddy can hardly read the speedometer. Make sure that your toupee is well-clipped before flooring the pedal.
7| Subaru WRX STI
You know that this car is fast, but you’re probably scared to drive it on a racetrack. Without admitting that your reflexes have gone slow over the years, you don’t have the balls to push this rally-bred machine to the redline. You would rather do a drive-by at an exclusive women’s university and just repeatedly rev the boxer engine for the ladies to hear its solid exhaust sound.
8| Mini Cooper S
Always a favorite of middle-aged men, this European icon guarantees fun and thrills when driving. Vibrant and full of energy, the Mini Cooper S can easily make you feel 20 years younger. Just don't put on too much hair gel because the smell of it might cling to the car's premium leather seats.
9| Audi TT quattro
Maneuvering this four-wheel-drive, turbocharged European coupe is pure ecstasy. More so if you’ve seen Alden Richards drive it through a coffee shop which can cause you to live in a fantasy world where you're twin brothers. Compact and easy to handle, the Audi TT will take you by surprise with its aggressive acceleration.
10| Suzuki Jimny
This mini two-door SUV a hot millennial choice that most men in a midlife crisis can easily afford, making it all the more appealing. Known for its strong, agile, and nimble characteristics, the Suzuki Jimny epitomizes youth. Forget about the absence of a luggage compartment, men will find this vehicle the perfect way to mingle with the younger generation. Don't degrade the Jimny's youngish appeal by tucking in your T-shirt.
This story originally appeared on Topgear.com.ph.
* Minor edits have been made by the Esquiremag.ph editors.