Unholy Pleasures: Welcome to the Hot Priest Cinematic Universe
Pardon our blasphemy, but we can’t seem to stop these ungodly thoughts about God’s holy men.
Hot priests are having their cultural moment. The Catholic priest is among the most enduring characters of TV and cinema, once consistently portrayed as the epitome of virtue and impeccable judgment; it goes without saying, however, that times have changed. Somehow, the priest has evolved into a morally dubious lust object—and for some unholy reason, viewers can’t get enough.
It’s quite the sacrilege, getting all hot and bothered for a man of the cloth. But if you cast all your virtues aside for just one second, it really isn’t that hard to see why the world’s most sexually unavailable kind of man is so damn tempting. There’s always plenty of thrill that comes with violating a taboo, and the fact that these priests are obligated to listen to all your problems probably dials up the sex appeal by at least a few hundred notches. Then again, it might also have something to do with how they’re almost exclusively played by conventionally attractive, heterosexual white men, whom we feel deserve to be forgiven regardless of the gravity of the sin.
No matter the reason, nothing hits quite like a hunk in a frock (nevermind the sacrilege and incessant mortal sinning). Clearly, viewers who attended Catholic school have their own unique form of daddy issues. So, from freaky fathers to lusty vicars, we hereby present you with the hottest priests in the cinematic universe, ranked.
7| Reverend Preston Teagardin, The Devil All The Time
Reverend Teagardin has a number of pervy hobbies, including driving young girls to the middle of nowhere and asking if they’ve “truly shown themselves to the Lord”—thankfully, the actor who plays him also happens to be the most beautiful man in the world, according to science. This horned up reverend could easily be the most abominable priest on this entire list, but The Devil All The Time certainly has no shortage of beautiful men you can praise the Lord for; from Robert Pattinson and Sebastian Stan to Tom Holland and Bill Skarsgård, we won’t blame you if you feel the urge to get down on your knees in an instant to see this lineup on one of those annual hot priest calendars.
6| Daniel, Corpus Christi
Technically, Daniel was never a real priest; he’s a newly released criminal who puts on a frock and scams a whole community into calling him Father Tomasz. But he’s a nice enough guy, and you can rest assured that he’s got a damn heavenly body after all that time in juvie. To be fair, we can’t say he isn’t convincing as a Father, what with his intense charisma and natural gift for giving real-world advice. And with Bartosz Bielenia’s ocean blue eyes and ridiculously sculpted cheekbones, we may or may not mind turning a blind eye to this priest’s sins.
5| Father Ernst Toller, First Reformed
Ethan Hawke ages like a fine, holy wine, and his performance as a hot reverend and eco-zealot roused more than just our social consciousness, to say the least. Slamming the church for its inaction against climate change and protesting an environmentally destructive corporation? Massive turn-ons, if you ask us. First Reformed tells the story of Father Toller’s tragic descent into radicalism and despair—but despite looking like he’s on the brink of death in almost every shot, he still rocks his clerical collar like it’s nobody’s business.
4| Camerlengo Patrick McKenna, Angels and Demons
There’s just something sexy about an evil, Ewan McGregor-faced mastermind who reawakens the spirit of the Illuminati in order to become the next pope. Call him crazy, but you can’t say he isn’t dedicated. The camerlengo also gives “hot priest” a whole new meaning when he literally burns himself alive after the Vatican finds out he attempted four cardinals’ assassinations. Now if that’s not a hot priest, we don’t know what is.
3| Father Paul Hill, The Midnight Mass
A man of many secrets, Hamish Linklater’s Father Paul is the unexpectedly sensual mix of Ross Geller and Avan Jogia we didn’t know we needed. To describe him as “freaky” would be an understatement; his character is introduced as the replacement for the elderly Monsignor Pruitt, but it’s only a matter of time until we learn he actually is Monsignor Pruitt—just de-aged and bloodthirsty after a half-angel, half-vampire forces the poor man to drink its blood. Needless to say, the thirst was mutual.
2| Reverend Will Ransome, The Essex Serpent
You can’t put Tom Hiddleston in a chasuble and not expect a mass explosion of ovaries—among other things—across the globe. Fondly nicknamed by the show’s fans as the “Lusty Vicar,” Reverend Will gets hot and bothered when a widow from London comes wandering into his county in search of a mythical serpent. The sexual tension is comically unsubtle, leading to steamy hookups in conveniently empty fields and plenty of awkward moments with the vicar’s wife. We’re sorry to break this to you, but it will take more than a few Our Fathers to rid yourself of the ungodly thoughts about this English man of the cloth.
1| The Hot Priest, Fleabag
There’s no fighting it: Fleabag’s hot priest is the Hot Priest.
The whole world fell down to its knees for this hilarious, potty-mouthed man the moment he appeared on the show. Played by Andrew Scott, whom show creator Phoebe Wall-Bridgers described as having “the charisma of 10 people rolled into one,” Hot Priest does not have a name, referred to as just “The Priest” for the entirety of the series. However, the internet exclusively calls him the “Hot Priest,” for the undeniable fact that he is outrageously hot.
Celibacy aside, Hot Priest is the answer to all our prayers for our beloved Fleabag, and it’s almost impossible to explain why we’d tear apart kingdoms for this man without escalating into a full blown hornstorm. It has something to do with how he’s the first person to really see Fleabag, and the fact that we never see her surrender so completely to another person until his arrival—but it also has plenty to do with how he makes “kneel” sound like the most obscene word we’ve ever heard, and how we can no longer look at a confessional box without remembering that heated makeout session in the middle of his church.
Whatever it was, it helped Fleabag bag three Emmy Awards, and triggered a 162 percent spike in searches for religious porn.
Apart from the sheer tabooness of it all, what makes this love story so captivating is the genuine chemistry between Hot Priest and Fleabag. It’s the kind of chemistry we all dream of having, and in any other world, it would have been clear that the two of them belonged together. So, while Fleabag Season Two is nothing short of being panty-ripping, hormone-triggering material, it’s also a beautifully sad and painfully relatable story about loving a person you cannot choose. Now, how’s that for revelatory?
