What Women Want You to Know About Oral Sex
Every day is a good day for some oral satisfaction but it’s Valentine’s Day. That time of the year when we make room for dessert—or have dessert as the main course. Whatever, we don't judge!
What we're talking about here is oral sex, and when it comes to it—and whether you are on the giving or the receiving end—you should always be gracious. We spoke to both women and men to give you the lowdown on going down.
Of Smells and Odors
Some women are turned on by the musky manly odor of an armpit. But suffice it to say that Manila heat, smog, and humidity killed that dream. So before any action, work a shower into foreplay.
If a shower isn’t possible (since sex doesn’t always happen in a place with a bathroom), take other precautions. Use your fingers to test the air down there first or take the advice of our friend, who we'll call The Girl Scout (and who has previously volunteered advice for my other questions): If, on your way down, you find that the navel area is giving off an unpleasant odor, stop right there and make your way back up.
You don’t want to risk encounters like that of my friend, The Gentleman. The circumstances are hazy now—maybe it was hot and heavy or maybe he was just young and eager—but The Gentleman went straight for the Bermuda Triangle and got lost in a sea of scents that left him feeling queasy. (But The Gentleman is also a trooper. He thought it most impolite and potentially embarrassing for the girl to break up the momentum and soldiered on. For that, he has our respect and has been promoted to: “The Gentlefuck, First Class”.)
The GFC promised that he would work hard at maintaining this distinction but has nonetheless learned his lesson. “Never again,” he told me. Now, he makes sure to work his way ever so slowly down there before diving in.
But hey, we’re not just talking about the scent of a woman here. A general cleaning knows no gender. La Pinay remembers lovers who spanned the whole spectrum of odors, from zero to 10. “The longest lover I had had a distinct scent. I liked him so it was not a big deal, especially if he showered before…Well, wait, it depends on what I had for lunch or dinner.”
Sights and Sounds
If there’s one thing both men and women agreed on, it was how feedback is important when it comes to oral sex. For both the receiver and the giver. Both want to know they’re getting it right.
The men we interviewed for this story all worried that their partners might see a blowjob as a obligation, a chore or a some kind of gift exchange for going down on a girl.
It’s always a turn-on when they see that the girl enjoys herself when giving head. The Sharp Shooter—in trademark visual artist fashion—looks for a total experience: eye contact, appreciative sounds and varied motions.
When on the giving side, he doesn’t take offense at being given some direction. “One girl gently re-directed me just a few inches from what had been my go-to spot. It was hot to see how much better she liked it.”
Women wished their partners asked more about what they like instead of just assuming that things they’ve seen in porn are the benchmarks for unscripted sex.
So communicate! If you’re not the vocal type, avoid the dirty talk which is an art in itself, use body language and sound instead.
Spit or Swallow?
We know, we know, swallowing and deep-throating are king. It’s the thing boyish wet dreams and manhood fantasies that live on forever are made off. For The Sharp Shooter, swallowing is what he only used to see in porn done to him in real life. “It’s the kind of thing that makes me look back on an encounter and think, ‘Daaammnnnn!’”
Still, we don’t always get what we want. “Swallowing is not for everyone,” said the DILF (Dad I’d Like to Fuck) who sees getting head a bonus, especially for casual encounters.
Swallowing is not your thing but spitting may be seen as rude, what do you do?
As a courtesy, The Beard gives advance notice that he’s about hit his high note. “That will give her the option to finish off in a way that she’s comfortable with, like a handjob.”
To manage potential awkwardness of managing splatter, Madame M suggests both have some kind of understanding about safe landing areas. “Boobs are a safe bet and easy to clean. If you’d rather not be splattered, have a towel or tissues on standby.”
No one likes a sloppy blow job anyway.
Madame M’s unbreakable rule: Do not—for the love of all things horny—come on her face.
Some helpful bed-aids to have on the night stand:
Tissues: for mopping up, wiping and drying.
Condoms: Yes, you can give a blowjob using a condom or cut it up to make it into a dental dam for cunnilingus. It’s a safe-sex practice, but one you will have to negotiate with your partner. Anyway, condoms should be on hand for the sex finale.
Lubricant: Always your best bed friend.
Small / additional pillows: Under her ass if you’re giving. Under yours if you’re on the receiving side on sofa and she’s on her knees. Either way, pillows are meant for mutual comfort especially if you’re going in for the long haul.
Mints. Just because and just in case.
After you’ve gotten some good lip service, it’s always a good idea to show some kind of appreciation. While a “thank you” may be misplaced, there are other ways to show gratitude.
But here we have a difference in what constitutes acceptable thank-you for after.
Women like kissing: “I like that we can be uninhibited," says Madame M. Queen Bee doesn't even know why you wouldn't: “Seriously, it’s dealbreaker for me if you don’t want to kiss after a blow job. Hello, you’re grossed out by your own penis?!”
If, like most guys, you're put off by the idea of kissing right after getting head, know too that some girls don’t like being kissed after being serviced with a smile.
You’ll just have to feel each other out and be ready to with other ways of showing gratitude if kissing is not an option for both of you. Madame M suggests cuddling and being subtle about drying off your mouth by kissing other body parts as you make your way back up. The DILF makes a quick dash to gargle.
Whatever you do, do not pat your partner on the head or shoulder and roll over to go to sleep or light a cigarette. Both will be harmful to your sex life.