Doctors Say Your Solo Habits May be Ruining Your Performance in the Bedroom

The discourse and conversation on the so-called “silent” problems that men face in the bedroom are still met with the stigma of embarrassment and shame, especially in traditional and predominantly Catholic countries like the Philippines. This emerged during a panel discussion on men’s sexual health at sexual wellness startup Unprude's BECOMING: The Philippine Sexual Wellness Summit held on Sunday (September 15). 

According to panelists, Filipinos still tend to shy away from men’s sexual health, with most men being unsure about conventional hospitals and healthcare providers being viable spaces to open up about their sexual performance hang-ups.

In the Philippines, specialized men’s and even LGBTQIA+ clinics hope to foster more transparent conversations and to boost the availability of remedies to issues such as erectile dysfunction, hypoactive desire disorder, and ejaculatory issues men face on a daily basis.

Do men worldwide still suffer in this proverbial silence and find it hard to be completely honest about their wood woes with medical professionals? The country’s leading male sexual health experts are pushing for a deeper and more transparent conversation on this silent battle men are facing.

Dr. Mark McKelvie, chief medical officer of Philippine-based online healthcare platform focused on men's health GoRocky.ph, recommends providing more online and flexible avenues to seek advice, treatment, and to actually have these conversations.

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While the summit, which was held at the Podium Hall in Ortigas, focused more on women's sexual issues, it also offered inclusive conversations on men's sexual wellness, healthy masculinity, and a deep dive into men’s sexual health from educators, doctors, advocates, and young people. It was organized by Unprude, which is the country’s first sex education app and the brainchild of sex therapist Dr. Rica Cruz.

“This year, we are ‘Becoming’—shaping a future where curiosity is encouraged, respect is practiced, and compassion is lived,” Cruz said.

GoRocky, which was founded in 2022, is an online service that aims to break down the stigma that holds men back from seeking treatment, which is often seen as embarrassing. It aims to provide a more discreet and affordable service to healthcare solutions, according to the website.

“I have a clinic in Makati and I get patients coming in person to discuss these issues, and they never come out with that issue first thing,” Dr. McKelvie said during the panel. “Of course, they don't want to talk about it. No one wants to have to go to see their doctor for anything, let alone (to say) 'I have erectile dysfunction.'”

Why younger Filipino guys also struggle in bed

Drs. Deano Reyes, Frederick Mendiola, Mark McKelvie (and moderator Mark "Macoy" Averilla)

Erectile dysfunction or ED may not always be caused by age and overlying health issues, but also by behavioral and habitual concerns linked to too much porn consumption and aggressive masturbation techniques, especially for younger men.

“If you explicitly ask young guys who have erectile dysfunction, 'Do you masturbate excessively? How do you do that?' These guys are doing it too often and too hard with a very significant grip. I'm sorry to be very graphic about it, but this is the reality,” according to McKelvie. “So, what's happening in those situations is the guys can get erections normally in the morning when they're masturbating. But when it comes to penetration with a partner, they're not getting the same pressures exerted by their unlubricated hand, for example.”

While erectile dysfunction isn’t really known as a younger man’s issue, but the truth is that there have been more reports of men in their 20s and 30s finding it hard to get it up.

Older men often struggle with this due to more conventional health-related factors such as diabetes, hypertension, and obesity. Yes, younger folk may need to revisit their solo habits if they want to keep performing and pleasing their partners in the bedroom.

This phenomenon didn’t just come out of left field as the Philippines has consistently been among the world’s biggest porn watchers. In 2023, Filipinos topped Pornhub’s consumption reports, spending the most time on the site globally, despite the country still frowning upon the subject of sex and the overlooked difficulties men face.

“When young people, specifically males, engage in watching porn all the time, what happens is they become addicted to it,” said Dr. Frederick Mendiola, a urologist and one of the country’s leading male sexual health experts. “They tend to compare what they have with the ones on the screen. They get this psychological effect. They have this anxiety. We call it performance anxiety.”

In addition, ED isn’t really where the bedroom struggles stop for guys. Mendiola says other issues may also be an underlying sign of a risk for cardiovascular concerns.

“As Dr. Mark has mentioned a while ago, erectile dysfunction is mostly a lifestyle disease,” he said citing his co-panelist. "They actually say that erectile dysfunction is already a sign of future heart attack."

According to Johns Hopkins Medicine, erectile dysfunction is projected to affect about 322 million men around the world this year, adding that 75 percent of men who struggle with this affliction opt not to seek medical treatment because of the aforementioned shame, embarrassment, and the perception of it being a natural part of growing old.

At the same panel, Dr. Deano Reyes, medical director of holistic gender and sexual wellness center Hara Clinic, says culturally, Filipino men are under pressure to perform sexually due to the concept of being “tigasin” or easily aroused or active being tantamount to their worth as a man.

“A lot of people get the word, like, tigasin, like, tigasin ka ba, di ba? And that's super correlated to how well your penis works,” he said. “So, kung hindi ka tigasin (if you’re not ‘tigasin’), there's so many implications like you're not strong, you're not manly enough, so that's why it prevents people from seeking that healthcare behavior.”

Even globally normalized treatments such as testosterone replacement therapy or those seeking to correct premature ejaculations still have negative connotations and an overall bad rep in the Philippines. Reyes says it is essential to cultivate a safe and affirming space for men to discuss and to seek help regarding these issues, especially in a conservative country in the Philippines. He also cited a lack of local medical training options on these issues for doctors, as many Filipino professionals still have to build-up their expertise in countries like Singapore.

“With all the buildup of our culture and all the influences, men are ashamed most of the time," the sexual health expert said. “Men's sexual health is something that it's not talked about on a daily basis. Issues linked to this are things actually that don't go addressed because men don't have good health-seeking behaviors.”