Sex & Relationships

Quail? Npeter? The Hottest Baby Names of 2017 Are Expectedly Ridiculous

Stop naming your kids Sebastian, Alonso, and Matteo.
IMAGE Esquire

For those new parents who comprise part of our great and fair isle's caviar-swaddled high society, a proper name that denotes your spawn's thoroughbred credentials is vital. Logic and bullies be damned!

A bible for the upperclass and those who fetishize it, Tatler magazine has released its take on the poshest names of the year, writing: "If you're having a baby in 2017, we've done the hard work for you and picked out some of the poshest names known to man."

Our favourites include: Quail, Euripides—after the tragic Greek playwright—and Mao... Mao! Although John gets a nod in there.

Shoutout to John.

For boys

  • Aubyn
  • Barclay
  • Cassar
  • David
  • Euripides
  • Fenston
  • Gustav
  • Hickman
  • Innsbruck
  • John
  • Kenneth
  • Ludlow
  • Mao
  • Npeter (the 'N' is silent)
  • Ormerod
  • Prince
  • Quail
  • Ra
  • Stourton
  • Titus
  • Uxorious
  • Victory
  • Wigbert
  • Xman
  • Yak
  • Zebedee

For Girls

  • Alfreda
  • Blanche
  • Czar-Czar
  • Debonaire
  • Estonia
  • Figgy
  • Gethsemane
  • Hum
  • Idabelle
  • Jori
  • Koala
  • Lark
  • Monaveen
  • Nancy
  • Opal
  • Power
  • Queenie
  • Rara
  • Scar
  • Tansy
  • Una
  • Vervain
  • Wendy
  • Xanthe
  • Yellow
  • Zenia

Here's to all the future kids hiding their names and inner shame from the world.

This story originally appeared on

* Minor edits have been made by the editors.

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