You Know What? Screw It. I'd Wear the Fanny-Pack Crocs.
Crocs has done it again. The purveyor of aggressively ugly clogs teamed up with Japanese brand Beams on a capsule collection and it includes Crocs with goddamn fanny packs attached to them. They're available now, for just $53. Naturally, the Internet has taken notice. And even more naturally, pretty much everyone has decided that these shoes are inexcusable.
That's why I kind of want to wear them.
This is not in my self interest. I have not decided, in some contrarian feat of mental acrobatics, that these shoes are Actually Good. Or maybe I have? But probably not. I remain convinced that these shoes are, in all likelihood, Very Bad. But it is 2019, and the world is burning down or flooding or falling to pieces around us. So screw it. Let's wear the Bad Shoes.
Crocs x Beams Fanny-Pack Clogs, beams.co.jp
I recognize that I'm directly contradicting my past self here, by the way. Back in 2018, Crocs teamed up with Post Malone to make a pair of bright yellow clogs with barbed wire on them. I had just one word of advice on how to wear those shoes: "Don't." But time has passed, and people change.
Plus, where the Post Malone Crocs were bad in a "maybe I'm edgy and stuff" kind of way, the Beams Crocs are just gleefully ugly and silly. Fanny packs on plastic clogs? That's dumb! Let's do this!!
Would I recommend this particular course of action for others? I don't think I would. Fashion self-immolation by way of pocketed clogs is not something to be taken lightly. These will ruin outfits. They will render the wearer absolutely ridiculous. They will be the only thing people notice, and not in a good way.
But remember dad shoes? Birkenstocks? Sport sandals with socks? These were all formerly reviled, too (if less intensely). Trends are constantly shifting and mutating. The '90s and the '80s and the '70s are all back—and all at the same time. What's old is new again. And maybe what's Bad is Good now. Jonathan Evans is the style director of Esquire digital, focusing on fashion, grooming, accessories, and, of course, sneakers.
This story originally appeared on Esquire.com. Minor edits have been made by the Esquiremag.ph editors.