Food & Drink

How to make your own Krabby Patties

Let's bring fictional food to life. And to our bellies.
IMAGE Lacy Atkins
ILLUSTRATOR Corbis
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Before reading a fantasy or science fiction novel, you need to relax your notion of reality—you are being transported into a world where everything you know is upside-down or non-existent. Perhaps the color you’ve come to know as blue will actually be green, or have a different name altogether; perhaps the earth you encounter will vary greatly from ours and you will need to redraw our planet’s map in your imagination. In short, these novels are so powerful because they shatter what you’ve come to accept as the truth.

However, these novels never stray very far from humanity, since this trait is needed to make the reader feel like he could be part of the overwhelming adventure. Many ruses are used to make the abstract feel authentic. It could be the rise and set of the sun, the persevering notion of “time,” the inescapable oppression of death, the sexuality between genders or even the fact that the characters need to eat and drink.

The detailed descriptions of some of the dishes, their preparation and the emotions they create in the characters, become intense and leave you wanting to have a taste of them. Reading a book with the perfect music, in the right setting and with the proper lighting, can become even more immersive with the accurate smells of freshly prepared food and drink of the same nature as the fantasy. Let’s bring fictional food to life.

Krabby Patties

We’ve all watched SpongeBob SquarePants (don’t lie), a cartoon which seems riddled with mature messages, and we’ve all wondered if those burgers were made of meat or seafood (quite a cannibalistic offering, if the latter). What makes it “the most famous burger in the Pacific Ocean”?

Soft-Shell Crab Burgers

Serves 1

Ingredients

  • 2 soft shell crabs
  • 2 beaten eggs
  • Flour for dredging
  • 3 cloves of garlic
  • Olive oil
  • Butter
  • 2 tomato slices
  • Chopped lettuce
  • 2 gherkins
  • 1 tbsp of Sriracha
  • 2 tbsp of Japanese mayonnaise
  • Soft brioche or burger buns

Instructions

  • Clean the soft shell crabs properly, dip them in the egg wash then in the flour, shake off excess and fry in a pan covered in olive oil and a little bit of butter at medium high heat.
  • Add in 3 minced cloves of garlic as you flip the crab over. Remove when colored and puffy, season with salt and pepper.
  • Chop up the gherkins and mix in with the Sriracha and mayo.
  • Take a handful of chopped lettuce, make two thin slices of tomatoes.
  • Toast your bun, smear sauce all over, add in lettuce and tomatoes, top with the crabs and close up with the second bun, or just close the brioche.

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Green Eggs and Ham

Possibly my favorite Dr. Seuss title, where Sam-I-Am persistently tries to convince another character to try Green Eggs and Ham throughout the whole book—at the end, the character gives in, tastes it, and admits that he actually likes the dish. It’s a great story with a powerful message.

Green Eggs and Bacon

Serves 2

Ingredients

  • 4 egg whites
  • 1/2 cup of spinach (fresh or drained)
  • 4 egg yolks
  • 4 slices of thick bacon
  • Chives
  • Parsley
  • 1 tsp of honey
  • Brioche

Instructions

  • Blend 2 egg whites with the spinach then whisk in the remaining 2 egg whites.
  • In a small egg frying pan, on low heat with some oil, pour in a portion (enough for one egg) of the white mix and one whole yolk, cook just like a fried egg and repeat.
  • Chop up a handful of chives and parsley and fry off with the honey and bacon until cooked to your preference.
  • Butter down some brioche and toast it.

This article originally appeared in the November 2012 issue of Esquire Philippines. Minor edits have been made by the Esquiremag.ph editors.

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Erwan Heussaff
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