Culture

The 6 Most Random Patron Saints

Yes, there is a patron saint of the Internet.
IMAGE Wikimedia Commons
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Catholics generally have a go-to saint they like to call on for certain things. Lost something? Pray to Saint Anthony. Caught up in a particularly desperate situation? Do the Novena of St. Jude. We aren’t kidding when we say the Church has a patron saint for practically everything. Don’t believe us? Check out our list of obscure saints with the most random causes, some of which have nothing to do with their lives.

St. Walter of Pontoise
Patron Saint of: Work-related stress

Stuck with a job you hate? Can’t deal with office politics? Then St. Walter is definitely your guy. All Walter wanted to do was be a hermit, but King Philip I had different plans for him. When the monarch appointed him abbot of a new abbey at Pontoise, Walter did everything he could to avoid the job. He ran away several times, and when he was forced to return, he appealed to the Pope to accept his letter of resignation. The Pope ordered him to resume his responsibilities at the abbey, so he accepted his position and began speaking out against the corruption of his clergy. Seeing as nobody likes a whistleblower, the clergy had him beaten and imprisoned. When he was released, he resumed his duties at the abbey. It’s said that the poor guy stayed up in the chapel every night praying for strength and wisdom.


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St. Isidore of Seville
Patron Saint of: The Internet

The Bishop of Seville is best known for his Etymologiae, a 20-volume encyclopedia containing wisdom from hundreds of classical texts. It contained information on pretty much everything people would have wanted to know at the time, including grammar, rhetoric, mathematics, music, astronomy, law, medicine, and geography among other things. In fact, it became such a popular textbook during the medieval ages that people failed to copy and preserve its classical sources—much in the same way most people now prefer looking things up on the Internet to researching in a library.


St. Expeditus
Patron Saint of: Procrastination

Having trouble getting started on your projects? Try praying to St. Expeditus for some motivation. He is also more popularly known as a go-to saint for urgent cases and anything that needs…expediting, all because of his name.


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St. Symphorian
Patron Saint of: Syphilis

Poor Symphorian didn’t do anything in his life to merit being put in charge of Catholics afflicted with syphilis. He was beheaded for refusing to worship a pagan god. 


St. Fiacre
Patron Saint of: STDs

According to legend, the bishop of Meaux gave Fiacre a piece of land on which he could live a life of holy solitude. He cleared the area of trees by just dragging his staff along the ground, and a woman who witnessed this reported him to the Bishop for witchcraft. After the incident, Fiacre bore a permanent grudge against women and, when he built a hospice, refused to treat anyone of the fairer sex. This—along with the fact that he was known for curing all kinds of illnesses—is said to be the reason why he was named patron saint of STDs. 


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St. Vitus

Patron Saint of: Oversleeping

When Vitus was a child, his nurse and his tutor supposedly converted him to Christianity. His father, a senator of Sicily, wasn’t too pleased by this and had all three arrested. They managed to miraculously escape death on various occasions, until they were thrown into a pot of boiling oil. It just so happens that a rooster was thrown in with them, and, given the rooster’s association with waking up, St. Vitus was named patron saint of oversleeping.


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Angelica Gutierrez
Angelica is currently Editorial Assistant for Esquiremag.ph.
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