Concerts Are a Horrible Place for a First Date. But That Doesn't Mean You Shouldn't Do It.

It's easy to overthink a first date. Because you don't really know each other, you're likely going to go through some awkward growing pains in the name of finding common ground. Will they get this reference? It sounded like a good joke in a text and it's not landing right now. Am I coming off a little too eager for their liking? Why is nobody smiling? Shouldn't we smile more? This is supposed to be fun, I assumed. Am I the dud? Be chill.

Let's paint a picture: say, you matched with someone on Bumble who you're slowly liking a little too much, a little too soon. No worries. This might be it, after all; that one romance to end all others. You're talking and things are going great. Smooth, real smooth, is the dialogue that you've sowed. The mystery is still there, facilitating emotional curiosity and intimacy between you two. A week later, your schedules are finally freer than usual.

Now for that first date. Chances are, you have some idea of the mood they want and the vibe they bring. Still, you have a lot to consider. You're going to have to worry about what to wear, what to smell like, what to say when X, Y, Z don't pan out, and, of all coded inquiries of doubt, where to.

You want to be a little different, to be cooler than the coolest person they've ever been with. Restaurants are too boring for you. Cinemas sound okay, but you want to make an impression. How about a museum? Meh. The silence may be deafening and people going out for the first time don't need too much of it. How about a walk in the park? Meh. It's not like the Philippines has that many walkable spots that are suitable for igniting romance (Expo or Salcedo or BGC or Intramuros are cliches now anyway). Thinking outside of the box inevitably leads you to this thought bubble: "Hey, why don't I just get two tickets to that band we talked about once or twice? [name] will love this!"

"I can't really hear you and I can't see anything and I may be sweaty and my feet might hurt and this band may not exactly be my thing, but really, it's fine."

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Mmm. Are there better places to get to know each other than in a 15,000-man-strong venue where the music is playing so loud and nobody can hear anyone or themselves?

Yes. Good god. There are 500 or so other better places for a first date.

They'll likely say yes, of course. But be warned, it's a horrible night waiting to happen.

In theory, concerts seem like an ideal place for romance. The soft lights hit your faces and surely you look good. There are no awkward silences. The adrenaline from it can do wonders for you through the night. You're drinking and indulging in the experience together, and you get to feel like the main characters in some indie coming-of-age romance film a la Justin Long and Drew Barrymore (not the best example, I know).

But in theory, too, is the fact that first dates are supposed to be about listening. You do this by, well, speaking as truthfully as you can. It's not so much about understanding as it is about knowing the other person. At concert venues, inside this enclosed arena, nobody hears anyone else apart from the act that's there. Communication is horrendous.

When I think of first dates, I think of introductions, like the way you would in a synopsis or a preface. It's also going to feel kind of like a thesis defense minus the unnecessary hostility. The conversation is everything. Looking for a potential partner requires heavy background checking, opening up about the principle of your being, and pitching your passion and what you're about. You're trying to find the right balance between honesty and good advertisement. Sure, your social media "branding" does that to an extent. But we're all more than just our social media profiles (allegedly), aren't we?

It's meant to be loud, I know. But what this does is distill your focus. Instead of listening and focusing on each other, you listen to the act. Them alone. Maybe the weird people going ballistic in the crowd, too, if they're just mad for it. First dates require attentiveness and being present with and for your date. Not this kind of present though.

Certainly, the overpriced booze and food they sell in the venue are nice fixes. But really, making your way through a crowded room with some hotdog buns and stale burgers and cans of Spire is just so unsexy. I've never been a big fan of heavy eating, much less drinking on a first date, as well. Things get, er, a little too loose and I have enough regrets in my dating portfolio.

I think of concerts as more of a couples-y thing to do. This is simply because it's a venue that incubates commonality. These are people who listen to the same stuff from the same scene, together in harmony as they get shitfaced during the night. Bringing friends to concerts makes sense. First dates, not so much.

And the parking. The goddamn parking. After two hours of standing up and losing your voice, you soon find yourselves in the car park together with hundreds of others. How romantic. Because we have such shitty urban planning in the Philippines, we are probably going to spend another hour or so in traffic or waiting inside. It's the same kind of hell if you're trying to book a grab or taxi. Good luck with elongating the evening.

Of course, all this rambling doesn't mean I don't think it could be fun. I'm making this case as someone who has been in this situation before, both on the right and wrong side of things. Concerts can only work as a first date idea if:

1. You are both really into the artist in question.
2. You know how to make them feel more included in your space.
3. You're younger than 25 years old.

Interestingly enough, music festivals on the other hand, actually make much more sense than concerts for first dates because they feel a little more intimate somehow. Not to mention, you get nooks and pockets for talking and taking a break from it all. There's more room to say and feel things. Hence, better chances of getting to know if that someone is that someone.

While I've said a lot about why you shouldn't do it, I'm not really saying you shouldn't. I'm not asking you to cancel or say no. I'd like to think good daters know how to adjust to the "energy" (so to speak) person they're with. You try to fill in the gaps in pleasant, unassuming ways. It's just a fancy way of telling you that you need to read the room much better.

Mid-way through first dates, you kind of know where you're headed for the night, I feel. Certainly, there's a spontaneity to be had but you can't deny aura. When a first date is good, it's the best. But when it's bad, it's hell. There's particular nausea in the evening that both of you feel and just can't seem to verbalize. Failing to connect when you thought you were going to is disappointing, to say the least.

All I'm saying is that in concerts, there is more room for error if you're on a first date. The band might not be too into it. Energy and interest dissipate. You can't really speak. You can't really see. You can't really find out who that person is in this controlled environment.

But you know what? Hey, it's just a first date. In the event that it goes poorly, you go home and take your wins and losses with you to bed. I'd like to believe we'll always have room for seconds if we really like someone. If you find the right person, you're going to get a second date no matter how bad the first one went. That applies to concerts, too. So go and have fun with it. Maybe you guys can treat it as a rite of passage thing. We got through it and now we can get through anything. In the end, there are some people who we break all the rules for, after all. Talk is cheap, you could argue. If someone likes you just enough, they're not going to care about venues anyway. Not even if it's at a dirty, damp, dimly lit, overcrowded, loud-ass concert hall with a semi-stranger you just met on Bumble.