Why It's Great to Date an Introvert, According to a Dating Coach

Extroverts are generally perceived to outperform introverts in the world of dating because they are more friendly and approachable, they have a wider social circle, and are generally more comfortable to talk about themselves.

But according to matchmaker and dating coach Vanessa Antonio, founder of Singles Events Manila, a dating and social skills company in the Philippines, introverts actually exhibit qualities that make them better daters than extroverts.

First, let’s differentiate the two.

Differences between introverts and extroverts

Being an introvert doesn’t equate to being antisocial, says Antonio. “Introverts can be sociable, yet extroverts exhibit greater stamina for socializing compared to introverts.”

They also differ in the way they recharge their energies. “Extroverts recharge through social interactions. Introverts, on the contrary, experience energy depletion from prolonged socializing. They need alone time in order to recharge,” she explains.

What makes introverts better daters?

Introverts leverage on two valuable qualities: quiet confidence and quiet charisma.

Introverts don't boast about being a catch; they demonstrate it through attentive listening, focus, and meaningful actions. Their satisfaction comes from genuine connection, in contrast to extroverts who often get it through dopamine hits, when they put themselves forward.

Extroverts and introverts differ in their approach to listening: extroverts listen to respond, whereas introverts listen with intention. According to the Filipina dating coach, “When extroverts engage in a conversation, their eagerness to share something about themselves stems from the belief that you’ll like them more if they have a lot to share. While this isn’t necessarily negative because they aim to be relatable, at times, it leads to them not actively listening.”

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Introverts may find themselves occasionally saying things they don't mean when nervous. But, when engaged in conversation, they offer undivided attention and excel at being attentive listeners. “Introverts don’t need to fake this because it comes naturally for them,” adds Antonio.

According to studies, introverts exhibit heightened focus in conversations. "Once you've captured their interest, rather than keeping the conversation superficial, it tends to become more profound," says Antonio.

Introverts also display a strong sense of self-awareness. When engaged in dialogue, they are attuned to whether they are dominating the conversation or if you are still actively participating in the discussion.

Effective dating strategy

One effective strategy is to aim for the other person to speak 70 percent of the time during dates. This approach is designed to make people feel connected to you. “When you want someone to have a positive experience during a date, encourage them to talk. Let them share and express themselves,” says Antonio.

According to Vanessa Van Edwards, author of the bestselling book Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People, a charismatic person is warm and competent.

“Charisma goes beyond mere friendliness,” says Antonio. “It requires a level of competence that commands respect. Striking the right balance ensures you're not overly serious or excessively rigid.”
Introverts exude a captivating sense of mystery that sparks curiosity. “They don’t overshare. They don’t give too much information (TMI). They only reveal bits of information about themselves. Just like watching a TV series, you get hooked when you don’t know yet the whole picture. Introverts can also use this side of them as a weapon to keep their dates hooked. It works for men because most women are attracted to the knight in shining armor type, yung may quiet confidence and quiet charisma.”

Another good quality that Antonio has noted in her clients, who are predominantly introverts, is their deliberate pursuit of self-improvement. “They possess the humility to acknowledge that, despite excelling in certain domains like technology or earning substantial incomes, there might be room for improvement in social skills or flirting," she observed.

What to remember when dating an introvert

Dating an introvert? Keep these tips in mind:

Avoid comparing introverts to extroverts. When dating an introvert, it's crucial to know their distinctive communication style. Introverts are typically reserved and taciturn. If they don't send lengthy texts or communicate frequently, don’t interpret it as disinterest. Introverts are often overthinkers; they carefully consider their words. They also excel in more profound conversations.

They value their alone time, but regrettably, this is often misunderstood. Some may interpret it as a lack of interest in spending time together, whereas, in reality, it's essential for their well-being. Every interaction with an introvert involves them sharing a part of themselves, making it a meaningful but not necessarily an effortless endeavor for them.

Don't pressure them to become extroverts. As mentioned earlier, introverts possess valuable qualities that make them great daters. In addition to their preference for deeper connections, introverts, as Antonio observed, are more loyal due to their focused nature, making them less likely to be distracted.