Congratulations, Slater Young! You Just Found Out That Objectifying Women Is Bad!

I don't know what's worse: the fact that Slater Young only apologized after the blowback or the fact that he tried to justify that kind of behavior in the first place. Both are equally horrid, really. Having sexual feelings is normal. But imposing sexual fantasies on women so callously in group chats and justifying that behavior is a different story.

Young, however, was right about one thing: this kind of attitude men have toward women, where females are objects to look at, rate, and comment on, has been going on in groups, and even among public Facebook pages, for far too long.

Last May 8, Young made quite the ruckus online after the statement he made on the Skypodcast. "'Yung mga groups na mga nagsi-send ng mga photos of girls and fantasizing over it, it's normal! It's very, very normal. We have a lot of chatgroups with friends not naman necessarily dedicated to that," he explained.

But I think that the troubling part of that statement is what followed. "Let's say, for example, you have a group of 10 friends, meron dalawa o tatlong tao na mahilig mag-send ng mga ganyan and may mga comment comment pa... parang siyempre ikaw, as part of that group, sakyan mo lang."

This is a bad look. Understandably, plenty of things are fair game in group chats, we may argue. We talk shit about other people, have conversations on particular topics of interest, send a few memes to get through the day, and dump photos for updates or added context, among other things we usually do in what we feel are so-called "safe spaces." But some things are just inexcusable, like creating platforms where we encourage perverted, malicious attitudes.

Again, having sexual feelings and fantasies isn't wrong, per se. It's completely valid and natural. We can ndulge in these feelings as long as we don't harass, upset, and abuse other people. Understanding what consent is and knowing the limits of sexual desires are key to healthy relationships with other people. This shows we possess the maturity and sensibility to separate the horny from the obscene. As corny and as simple as it sounds, it's a matter of respect.

Nevertheless, men sending photos of women for the explicit purpose of feasting on them like hunters zeroing in on defenseless prey, is a special kind of ick. Even more upsetting about Young's comments is the notion that he piles in on these women in the chat, as well. That's toxic male culture for you: we don't like drawing lines and shaking up the pare dynamic. We're men and we talk about manly men things! Argh! We're just boys being boys, right? Come on, don't be woke! Don't be a party pooper!

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong again. The male perception isn't and should never be inherently misogynistic.

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Sexualizing someone's image, especially one that is the run-of-the-mill everyday photo a woman posts of herself, says a lot about this particular male perception. I'm talking about the one that sees women as objects of desire. This male gaze was and is an abomination. By simply existing, girls are perceived here as provocative without asking for it. Women can post photos of themselves just because they feel like it. Nothing more, nothing less. Motivations be damned. Men, in turn, aren't obligated to respond like a pack of wild animals to them.

Indeed, it happens from time to time. Someone sends a photo of a cute guy or girl and someone says, "Yeah, I see the appeal" or "Oh, they're cute!" or "Damn, she's on her hot girl shit." Admiration is fine. Being pigs about it is not. The difference lies in the intent, execution, and the manner in which certain things are said. While Young didn't exactly tell us how he and his "kumpares" speak about the women, it's pretty telling that he only said "comment comment pa." The less we know, the better, I suppose. Hell, even his wife Kryz Uy noted that she doesn't look at his group chats to protect her peace of mind. Interesting way to put it.

The objectification of women in media has consistently been linked to further violence on a macro scale. Sure, today, it's a photo in a group chat. Tomorrow, it's catcalling them on the street. And so on and so on. It's quite the cycle, really. Attitudes like Young's and his friends facilitate this. Sadly, it's true that this behavior is prevalent. But that doesn't mean we should condone it.

For men to be better allies to women, we need to see that women, like us, are just freely existing as they are. I can't believe this point still needs to be made: women are people. Men are not here to conquer or command or eroticize them for being people with free will.

Funny how regret works when you're an influencer. You can say the mootest and most problematic crap and still have the luxury of fans to defend you. A lot of people worship the ground that Young and his wife Kryz Uy walk on. They're supposed to be the ultimate model for couplehood; their advice is considered gospel for reasons beyond you and me. But even a guy like Young doesn't have a monopoly on correctness. He messed up in a big, big way. The guy should be criticized in a big, big way, as well.

It took him long enough to respond to the backlash. On Monday, May 15, he finally apologized, saying: "I finally realized na 'Oh my God, I really made a mistake because I'm giving power to say it's okay.'" He continued: "'Yun 'yung pinakamalaki kong learning—a big eye-opener for me. I truly, truly do apologize in my heart of hearts."

A lot of learning, indeed. Quite the change in tone, and we welcome that.

While Young's good husband persona may have been tarnished a little bit, he still possesses quite the cache to move forward with grace here. Maybe he should use some of that in calling out the friends who turn his GCs into pigsties. Maybe don't tolerate that kind of indecency. Maybe don't uphold this twisted mindset where women are just begging to be seen and validated by men. Better yet, maybe he shouldn't have ever contributed to this culture of violence against women, even in a diminutive way. How disappointing, really, that it took this long for the gold standard of husbandry and fatherhood to realize that. But, better late than never.