What To Give On Valentine's Day, Based On How Long You've Been Together

First off, some cliches are fair game on the dreaded day of hearts. Artisanal chocolates work all year round. Flowers are a general crowd-pleaser, but nothing says I-don't-actually-care than a cellophane-wrapped bouquet with baby's breath. (Go to an actual florist for something that will make an impression.) Lingerie and sex toys? Don't be a creep, or proceed only if you have discussed it before.

Forget about stuffed animals. Live animals? They have feelings, just like you, and they are a commitment; getting rid of an adorable puppy or bunny weeks later because they got inconvenient is heartless, so you have to be sure she is willing to care for one. The same goes for live plants. 

If you're trying to be practical and want to buy her clothes, it has to be something that you know she's been eyeing and goes with her personal style, otherwise, it's just asking for trouble. You don't want to be that guy who tries to change their partner into something that they're not, right? Personal style is a touchy matter.

Lastly, no matter what the ladies in the beauty section say, steer clear of personal care products. Giving her a moisturizer, even if it's the egg-shaped Chanel hand cream, is just like telling her her skin is rough. 

We know it's on a Wednesday, smack in the middle of the week, but don't half-ass this one. We did the work for you and figured out what gifts are appropriate and send the right message based on how long you've been going out as the gauge of your relationship.

Valentine's Day may or may not be a capitalist scheme, but love is not. 

You've Been Together For A Week
You may not be keen on rushing into the whole lovey-dovey romantic shebang so early in the game, but that's not an excuse to tone down your efforts. For those who've snagged themselves a gal who's game for the great outdoors, present her with an invitation to go trail running or hiking. We can’t predict what the future holds, but for sure, you’ll get to know each other better.

MQM Flex, Merrell 

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You've Been Together For A Month
You should already know whether or not you want to make it exclusive. Let her know you're in it with a non-traditional Valentine's Day gift that, with the right words written on the card, keeps love in the picture. You probably wanted to get this for yourself, but it'll be the gift that keeps on giving when given to her. Think about it: dancing at home, laidback afternoons reading or cooking together to the tune of Al Green—don't forget to write that down in the card.

Pro-Ject Elemental Turntable, Satchmi 

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You've Been Together For Four Months
You’re Insta-official by now, right? Turn up the cheese with pride, and get something you can wear matchy-matchy. These limited edition shoes literally have love written on them. 

Gommino in calf leather and sneakers, Tod's

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You've Been Together For Half A Year
Time to bring out the big, sparkly, high-grade guns, but a word to the wise: Avoid rings altogether. If marriage is in the picture, you don't have to propose on Valentine's Day. Pulling out a ring box on the most romantic of nights and having it not be an engagement ring is downright savage. Earrings are a big trend among women these days, so we suggest one that will get you brownie points for impeccable taste. Also, think about getting a necklace. The act of putting it on her neck from behind just sets the mood.

Modern chain 18K gold pendant necklace with diamonds, John Hardy; Lapis drop hoop earrings, Orelia

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You've Been Together For Three Years
Might be the right time to put a ring on it if you haven't already. Tiffany & Co.'s jewelry come in an iconic, little egg-shell-blue box that every girl who knows her pop culture would recognize—she's gonna scream. You're going to have to hide it really well and not preempt anything.

Pavé Tiffany Setting in platinum with diamonds and Tiffany Setting band ring in platinum with pavé diamonds, Tiffany & Co.

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You've Been Together For A Decade
When you've been together for this long, Netflix and chill means bingeing Black Mirror in day-old sweats—which is amazing, too, but come on. Change it up this year. Remember the last time you guys took to the dance floor? These shoes have fun written all over them. Go out and have it.

Crossfliketa patent heels in flamenco, Christian Louboutin