The Party Mom
This is not your actual mom, but someone who has similar superhuman management abilities. The Party Mom will help you troubleshoot anything, from the wilting peony arrangements to a crying and possibly drunk guest. She will not (like your mom) rearrange the table decorations according to her impossible standard.
She is literally the center of attraction. Possibly a retired supermodel, a handsome actor, the president of something important, or Beyoncé. Your guests will never forget their three-second life-changing encounter with The Center, and they will thank you.
She can talk up anyone, which is the reason why she is on everyone’s guest list. Plant The Moodmaker in a dead spot like, say, with Awkward Plus Ones (who brought them?), and she will find a way to make them laugh. In fact, she will make the entire room laugh with well-timed quips and colorful commentary. Seat across from The Center.
The Exotic Find
A deposed prince, a fortune-teller, an international aid worker, the impossible-to-book chef, the person who knows how to cure Manila traffic. Because this notable someone is from outside your circle, he or she will be of great interest to everyone. Note: must be a person of accomplishment (not an It Girl).
The Social Queen
If you are open to broadcasting your fabulous party all over the world, The Social Queen, with her massive follower count, is a must. If you prefer to keep things private, this connected creature, with her superior photo taking abilities, can simply document all the glamour. Make sure to get copies of her expertly crafted informal shots.
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The Partner In Crime
Also known as the The Truly Rich Lady's Best Friend Forever (TRLBFF). This is the guest who knows what you’re thinking even before you think it. She is the person you can drag into the powder room and bawl your eyes out when the spinach gnocchi deflates into gray mush. No worries. She will handle it (with a call to her caterer). The Partner In Crime is also game for dirty work such as steering a touchy feely Social Queen away from the Exotic Find.
“What goodeth is a party but to increaseth your loteth in life?” so says Shakespeare, I think. Even if it is not your intention, the act of hosting a party is a form of social mountaineering. Why not invite people from the upper rungs of the food chain: the Fortune 500 CEO, the Beyond Rich Neighbors, the Snooty Swans? Show them a good time (excellent food, impeccable décor, wine and bubbly, great company) and tip the scales in your favor. Of course, how you’ll get them to attend is the trick.
The Cave Dweller
As my temperamental interior decorator always says: “Si si, the perfect room is never complete without a stub!” And by stub she means that kooky chair or accessory that feels out of place, but really makes everything more interesting (I am partial to chintz). I’m not saying The Cave Dweller is a total weirdo, but he has not left his house since Gwyneth Paltrow won an Oscar. He was once The Center or The Moodmaker, and maybe tonight he will return to form. Cross your fingers. It is the unexpected that makes a party great.
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