Everyone loves Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. This isn't opinion. This is fact. He's the last truly bankable movie star. If you put this man in a movie, chances are it will make a shit ton of money. So, what are his best movies? Certainly, even the worst Johnson movies are better off for having this lovable giant as a star. Join us as we rank every Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson movie ever made.
30| The Tooth Fairy (2010)
Very large adult man Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is transformed into the tooth fairy with results about as fun as an actual trip to the dentist (this bad joke is better than this entire movie).
29| Doom (2005)
One of Johnson’s worst box office showings of all time is also fittingly one of his worst movies. It’s an adaptation of the video game Doom, which has a first-person fight scene that’s more sickening than the film’s gratuitous violence.
28| Planet 51 (2009)
In his first animated feature, Planet 51 suffers for a number of reasons, including a distinct lack of Johnson’s IRL muscles.
27| Baywatch (2017)
A rare flop for Johnson in his recent career, Baywatch was a childish reboot of the campy TV show that no one needed. Sure, this could have been listed dead last, but who doesn’t like watching Johnson, Zac Efron, and the rest of this cast run around in swimwear?
26| Walking Tall (2004)
It was Dwayne’s fourth movie ever, and it's one in which he does things that are way out of the legal boundaries of a small-town sheriff.
25| G.I. Joe: Retaliation (2013)
Believe it or not, there have actually been two live action films made based on the G.I. Joe toys in the last decade. What’s more impressive is the second stars Dwayne, Bruce Willis, and Channing Tatum. Unfortunately, it does not include those brilliant G.I. Joe PSAs from the early 2000s.
24| Be Cool (2005)
You'll notice that Johnson rarely wears a hairpiece in most of his movies. But, of the few times he does, his hair in Be Cool is by far the best.
23| The Game Plan (2007)
You’ll notice that nearly all of Johnson's roles consist of him playing an athlete, soldier, driver, law enforcement, or some sort of mythical hero/villain. The Game Plan marks the actor’s third movie from 2006-2007 in which he plays a football player.
22| Race to Witch Mountain (2009)
Johnson is just your regular, everyday Las Vegas cab driver who picks up a couple of young aliens and dragged into a wild adventure to retrieve their spaceship.
21| Faster (2010)
This is actually not part of the Fast and the Furious franchise.
20| Journey 2: The Mysterious Island (2012)
This sequel-ish to Journey to the Center of the Earth was a short-lived attempt to create some sort of Jules Verne cinematic universe.
19| Gridiron Gang (2006)
The Rock and X to the Z Xzibit use football to rehabilitate a bunch of troubled teens. Do they pimp any rides? Reader, they do not.
18| San Andreas (2015)
An apocalyptic earthquake along the San Andreas fault basically destroys all of California—a scenario that President Trump would probably be pleased with in 2018.
17| Pain & Gain (2013)
Surprisingly, this is not a Michael Bay documentary about Dwayne Johnson and Mark Wahlberg’s lives.
16| Get Smart (2008)
In this reboot of the beloved Mel Brooks and Buck Henry TV series, Dwayne Johnson is Agent 23, who absolutely would not be in a hypothetical Get Smart 2.
15| Rampage (2018)
Not even Johnson can break the video-game-movie curse.
14| Snitch (2013)
The tagline for Snitch is “Justice on his terms,” which could be the tagline for 99 percent of Johnson’s movies.
13| Hercules (2014)
For anyone who really just wants to see The Rock shirtless and killing shit, Hercules is the movie for you. But, honestly, if anyone is a modern-day son of Zeus, it might as well be Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.
12| The Mummy Returns (2001)
As the trailer teased, “a force more powerful than any the world has ever known is about to be unleashed.” Little did producers of The Mummy Returns know, they were doing just that by releasing the rock onto the world in his first film appearance as The Scorpion King.
11| The Scorpion King (2002)
Here it is, Johnson's first-ever starring role, back when he was still billed as The Rock. A spinoff of the Mummy franchise, our dude proved he had what it takes to anchor a big-budget Hollywood production. And the rest is history.
10| Southland Tales (2007)
Upon its initial release, Southland Tales confused the hell out of critics—even star Justin Timberlake admitted he has no idea what it’s about. Though this follow-up to Donnie Darko from director Richard Kelly was initially booed at Cannes, it has since gained a cult following.
9| The Other Guys (2010)
Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg are the titular other guys opposite Johnson and Samuel L. Jackson’s badass cop duo. For anyone hoping to see a movie where Johnson and Jackson co-star in some sort of Bad Boys type situation, this is not that movie—but still fun nonetheless.
8| The Fate of the Furious (2017)
Now we enter the stretch of this Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson movie ranking that becomes a ranking within a ranking of the last four Fast and the Furious movies. The worst of these is Fate of the Furious, otherwise known as Fast 8, which was more exciting for its off-screen muscular guy feud between Johnson and Vin Diesel.
7| Fast & Furious 6 (2013)
This is the one where Dom’s crew basically becomes spies to help Hobbs take down Ortiz—who did not die five movies earlier, and actually has amnesia.
6| The Rundown (2003)
Let’s take a break from the Fast movies to include The Rundown, which is an underrated buddy flick from Johnson’s early career. Johnson gets his head humped by an angry monkey and Christopher Walken is the villain!
5| Central Intelligence (2016)
Honestly, it’s absolutely worth putting Central Intelligence this high mostly for the film’s ability to transform The Rock in to an extremely obese high school nerd. Plus, the whole revenge fantasy of him going to his high school reunion looking like The Rock as we know him.
4| Fast Five (2011)
Okay, back to the Fast franchise. Since street racing had become boring in five movies, Dom and Co. are now a professional heist crew that are being hunted down by DSS Agent Luke Hobbs in Johnson’s first appearance in the movie series.
3| Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle (2017)
More than two decades after the original, the Jumanji title returns with a sequel in a time when board games have been largely forgotten. Can this franchise still hold up? Will anyone remember or care about this Robin Williams adventure classic? It turns out the answer to all of these questions is yes. In a movie that perfectly picks up where the '90s one left off. Jumanji does everything a good Johnson movie should, with The Rock as a sensitive and sweet giant supported by the hilarious cast of Jack Black, Kevin Hart, and Karen Gillan. Plus, who hasn’t wanted to imagine being trapped in The Rock’s body?
2| Furious 7 (2015)
Though Johnson’s Hobbs is recovering in the hospital after a fight with Jason Statham’s Deckard Shaw for most of this movie, Furious 7 takes a deserving place near the top of this list for the most The Rock moment of all time. Hobbs breaks out of the hospital, steals an ambulance, and jumps it off an overpass to collide with a drone that’s chasing the team. Hobbs is fine of course—he kicks out the windshield of the ambulance, picks up a minigun and says, “I am the cavalry.” Oh yeah, then he takes on an enemy helicopter and saves the day by shooting a bag of grenades hanging from the helicopter from a 100 yards away with a pistol. Hell yeah. It would be completely unrealistic if it were anyone but Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.
1| Moana (2016)
At first glance, an animated Disney movie might not seem the most fitting choice to be named Dwayne Johnson’s best movie, but this film is certainly the closest one to the actor’s heart. Moana is inspired by Johnson’s own Polynesian heritage, and he based his character, Maui, on his grandfather, a Samoan high chief. It perfectly captures Johnson’s family-friendly, sensitive-giant essence—especially as he said in interviews, "I have never cried consistently... through a movie more than I have with this movie.” The titular heroine, Johnson said, reminds him of his own daughter, who is “ambitious and has a really strong point of view.” Who needs guns and explosions when a movie can be this goddamn sweet?
This story originally appeared on Esquire.com.
* Minor edits have been made by the Esquiremag.ph editors.