At the very tender age of eight, Pipay learned to conquer herself and her disability. She was born with congenital hand deformities, which had been a magnet for bullies at school.
“Siguro napagtripan ka ni Lord!” someone would tell her. “Sinubukan ipalaglag iyan ng nanay niya,” another would gossip.
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“Ang sakit, bata ako noon!” Pipay tells Esquire Philippines. “Bakit yung mga kapatid ko kumpleto naman yung mga daliri?” she would ask God.
“Dahil hindi normal yung kamay ko, nahihirapan ako sa mga bagay-bagay. Kunwari PE class at kailangan mag push ups, hindi ko kaya dahil masakit. Hindi ko rin kaya mag instruments. Noon, na-bully ako nang na-bully. Yung confidence ko, para siyang kandila na naubos hanggang sa nawala yung apoy.”
It came to a point when Pipay questioned her worth and purpose in the world.
“Kumpleto naman ako sa buwan at hindi naman daw uminom ng pampalaglag nanay ko. Pero napaisip pa rin ako na baka tama sila, at nabuo nang nabuo iyong negativity sakin kasi masakit siya. Ang dating sakin, bakit ako nasa mundo kung wala naman akong kayang gawin?”
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According to Pipay, she had no problems growing up in their street as a kid because her neighbors thought nothing of her hands. It was when she started attending school when her life became miserable.
“Okay ako sa friends ko sa street namin, hindi ko naramdaman na may iba sa akin. But then, lahat ng nabuo kong confidence noong bata ako, nawala noong nag-school ako. Sobrang miserable noong elemantary when it comes to surroundings, sa mga naging kaibigan. Pero that doesn’t mean na wala akong friends.”
Dress by Alaïa. PHOTO: ALAN SEGUI
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Today, Pipay would only look back on her younger self only to draw strength. She could not believe a kid such as herself survived so much trauma from bullies. Now she uses that as her armor.
“Inaalala ko kung paano nag-survive yung eight-year-old self ko—I told myself, ‘Hindi ka naman kagandahan, di kumpleto daliri mo, wala kang talent, hindi ka matalino, marami kang bullies, tumpulan ka ng tukso, pero paano mo kinaya? Paano ka nakarating sa ganito? Binabalik-balikan ko iyon. Kung itong batang ito kinaya niya ang mga problema, why not ako at my age?”
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Now, Pipay is no longer bothered by her hands.
“Wala na akong insecurities, kaya kong ilaban ‘to!,” says Pipay, gesturing toward her body and hands. “Kahit i-mock niyo ako nang i-mock, wala akong pakialam dahil nabuo ko na ang confidence ko.”
‘I built my confidence on the jeep.’
One of the most embarrassing moments for Pipay when she was young was riding a jeep. She used to hide her hands from the passengers. She would put them in her pocket or under her bag on her lap.
“But I realized that shouldn’t continue. Unti-unti, I learned to accept. Isang beses lang akong mabubuhay, hindi ako puwedeng malungkot!”
“Sinimulan kong i-build yung confidence ko sa jeep! Ito yung unang-unang trial ko. Isang beses noong elementary ako, sinubukan kong ilabas yung mga kamay ko, nakapatong sa lap ko. Tapos may mga tumitingin na matatanda, bata, wala akong pakialam pero kinakabahan ako sa kung ano naiisip nila. Hanggang sa naging habit ko siya, unti-unti natanggap ko siya. Sasabihin ko sa sarili ko, ‘at least tinitignan ako, at least may something ako na iba ako sayo.’”
Slowly, Pipay’s confidence was revived as she learned to embrace her disability and turn it into her armor.
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"Unti-unti, nabuo ko ulit yung confidence ko, at na-boost lalo noong high school kasi napaligiran ako ng mga taong hindi ako itinuring na iba."
‘Masarap sa feeling yung nagagawa mong light ang seryosong situation.’
As far as Pipay can remember, she was already funny when she was in grade school.
“Tuwing may group work kami, palagi nila akong pinipili as reporter or for the acting-acting or icebreaker bago mag report. May gagawin lang ako na ad lib tapos bumebenta! Huling huli ko sila.”
Pipay’s teachers and classmates saw that she was humorous, so she was always assigned to lighten the mood for class presentations.
“Masarap sa feeling, masarap sa puso yung nagagawa kong gawing light yung mga seryosong sitwasyon, like yung reporting na nakakakaba.”
Her content today is no different. Pipay takes serious social issues such as poverty and corruption, then satirizes them in her content.
“Yung side ko na iyon, nagamit ko ngayon sa internet, sa paggawa ng content, kung sa anong topic nakaka-relate ang maraming tao at kung saan ko nakikita na masaya sila.”
“Hindi ko pinangarap na sumikat! Hindi ko pinangarap ang humarap sa camera at lumabas sa TV!” Pipay tells Esquire.
In fact, she wasn’t sure what her dreams were. Because of her congenital hand deformity, the future had always been hazy for Pipay.
“Wala akong pangarap…noong elementary, tinatanong tayo kung anong gusto mo paglaki, yung iba gusto maging pulis, gustomaging teacher. Ako? Nanggagaya. Kasi wala—wala akong gusto— ‘di ko gusto mag-engineer, di ko gusto maging guro, takot ako sa dugo kaya hindi ako puwede maging doktor.
“It’s just… siguro nadala lang ng disability ko pero naisip ko noon na walang bagay na para sa akin, parang wala akong kayang gawin.”
But then, TikTok exploded in 2020, and Pipay got caught in its whirlwind of virality.
“Naglalakad lang ako sa daan tapos gumawa ako ng video kung saan hinahanap ko si ‘Juswa.’”
“Juswa” is a fictional character made up by Pipay on TikTok and has since become her most popular creation. It even spawned a music video titled “Talong ni Juswa.”
Pipay carefully thought about her first viral content before executing it.
“I told myself that if I would enter content creation, I needed something very catchy. A name of a boy. So I came up with Juswa. Very walang sense yung video, shinoot ko lang iyon at parang, bahala na ang lahat.”
Pipay uploaded the video on TikTok and forgot about it until the next day. When she woke up the next morning, she was surprised to find hundreds of notifications on his upload.
“My god, kinabukasan, ang dami nang shares! Ang daming nag-repost sa iba’t ibang pages. So doon ako nagsimula. Ang hirap sundan ng viral content na iyon, nahirapan talaga ako, honestly.”
“Ginamit ko nang ginamit yung una kong content na si Juswa. Nagpost ako sa social media almost twice a day. Mag-iisip ako ng idea, may mahahanap ako sa social media na isyung relatable, at unti-unti, napalago ko ang audience at views. Naglabas din ako ng kanta, yung ‘Talong ni Juswa’! Doon nag skyrocket ang views ko.
If Pipay weren’t a content creator, she would have been an engineer… and would have hated it.
Pipay does not see content creation as something permanent. She uses it as a tool to earn as much money as she can so she can go back to school and pursue Communication Arts—her dream course. But somehow, she ended taking Civil Engineering in college before she became famous.
“Hindi ko lang talaga kinaya yung course ko kasi… wala akong choice! Noong nag-aapply kasi ako sa college, iisang school na lang yung natitirang malapit sa amin na kaya kong ibyahe. Wala roon ang gusto kong course na Communication Arts.”
Nevertheless, Pipay applied for that school, making a promise that if she passes the entrance exam for Civil Engineering, which is a quota course or one of the more difficult courses to enter, then she would accept her fate.
“Ang isip ko noon, if ever hindi ko ito maipasa, hindi ako papasok doon. Biglang pumasa ako! Isang take lang ng isang exam sa isang school.”
Pipay pauses and reminisces.
“Hindi talaga ako nag-enjoy sa course na iyon!”
She laughs. “But I survived!”
Pipay eventually withdrew during the second semester of her second year in college.
“Oh my god! Kung hindi ako naging content creator… Siguro itinuloy ko yung Civil Engineering pa rin! Wala kasi kaming pera para lumipat ng school o mag-shift ng course. Feeling ko, itinuloy ko siya kahit hindi ko siya gusto. Sad reality sa Pilipinas—wala tayong choice—ang choice ay para sa mayayaman lamang.”
PHOTO: Alan Segui
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‘Hindi ko audience ang Facebook kasi ayaw nila ng katotohanan.’
Before Pipay became a content creator, she would join youth organizations at school and in the barangay. They would talk about social issues, which is one of the things that still inspire her to pursue Communication Arts in the future.
“Nakikita ko kung gaano kadumi. Nakikita ko kung gaano nagsa-suffer yung mga tao pero wala pa rin silang pakialam,” Pipay says.
“Noong nagkaroon ako ng platform, doon ko naisip na mas maraming makakakita nito. Unti-unti nilang mare-realize na may mali sa sistema rito.”
But she observed that her audience on different social media platforms would react differently to her types of content, which are satire and politics.
“Napansin ko na ang audience ko pagdating sa mga content na may patama o kabuluhan ay nasa Twitter. Hindi ko kasi audience ang Facebook kasi ayaw nila ng katotohanan.”
But on Twitter, Pipay’s audience embraces her very shady, very satirical content. “Matatalino itong mga tao rito, nakikita nila yung message,” Pipay tells Esquire.
After fame, what has changed?
When Pipay left Esquire’s office and studio, she had no qualms about taking Angkas to get home.
“Nag-Aangkas ako, girl,” she would say.
Although nothing much has changed in the way she lives, Pipay is now more aware of the power of her words and the responsibility that comes with carrying such influence.
But fame also comes with its perks. Pressed for how much she was earning, Pipay hesitated but eventually caved.
“Six figures!”
And that was when she was only 19. By the age of 21, Pipay was already having their house built.
“Hindi ko rin masasabi na meant siya talaga kasi natagalan din akong bunuin iyon. Hindi ko rin masasabi na sobrang dali rin noon para sa akin kasi trinrabaho ko siya.”
What Pipay meant by “tinrabaho” was how she worked hard after her first viral video.
“The pressure begins after the first viral video,” says Pipay, who admits it was very hard to come up with something to match it. “Ang hirap sundan noon!”
'All my life, I thought I was gay.'
“Trans pala ako,” Pipay says.
“Recently ko lang na-realize na trans ako. All my life, I thought I was gay. It felt wrong, hindi tama. Iyon kasi yung kinalakihan natin, di ba? Ang alam ko lang noon, apat lang iyan—girl, boy, bakla, tomboy. So bakla ako kasi gusto ko ng pambabaeng things.”
“Pero paglaki ko, parang may mali. Hindi lang ako lalaki na gusto lang ng mga pambabaeng gamit. Babae ako. Mas comfortable akong lumabas nang naka-pambabae, mas comfortable akong ganito ang suot ko. Gusto kong nakikita ako bilang babae, gusto kong tinatrato ako bilang babae.
When Pipay was five, she already knew she wasn’t straight. She would sing songs by Regine Velasquez, and ask for mermaid Barbie dolls, which she would bring to the family outings.
“Bata pa ako noon, pero alam na rin ng pamilya ko na malambot,” Pipay says. “Pagdating ng grade 5 to 6, wala na, kasama ko na mga babae. Kung saan ako mas kumportable, iyon ang pinili ko.”
How Pipay deals with haters and trolls
In the 2022 Elections, Pipay was one of the most vocal supporters of Vice President Leni Robredo. She endured threats and trolls on a daily basis.
“They mocked my physical appearance, I received threats. but, mockery is nothing new to me.”
“I learned from the people in the content creation industry that I should not engage, otherwise masisira ka to the core. Trolls are out to get you. Wala kang magagawa kasi walang taong walang may ayaw sa kanya. Even the nicest person you will see on TV has a hater.”
Her final revenge on her bullies? Disengagement.
“What they think of me is not my business, and what I think of them is not their business. Let them be. Kung anong tingin nila sa akin, fine, I will not engage or react for the sake of my mind.”
Produced by Paolo Chua
Photographs by Alan Segui
Styling by Josh Galang and Mai Chua for Myrrh Lao To
Hair by Bessie Halili, assisted by Erika Glendro
Makeup by Muriel Vega Perez, assisted by Rain Roca
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