How to Become the Perfect Threesome Partner for a Couple in Four Easy Steps

There's a reason why we shouldn't rely on porn when it comes to our sexual expectations. Most, if not all pornography is simply just fantasy. On the conversation of threesomes, sure, it can be hot to watch three people going at it, picturing ourselves as the "other" in the situation. But we have to remember that what we see on PornHub or SpankBang or XVideos couldn't be further from the truth.

Porn ruins us. These scenes are most of the time choreographed for our viewing pleasure (especially the male gaze, but that's another conversation). If the transitions are too clean and the positions feel too rehearsed, it's because they are. In reality, threesomes can be pretty messy and awkward, but in a good way. But most people fall into the trap of assuming they know how to handle a couple, when they really don't.

Threesomes are not tag team matches, folks. They're beautifully hot, awkward, and messy partnerships.

If a couple ever asks us (you never know when!), we should have the sexual, emotional, and intellectual capacity to understand what exactly are we getting ourselves into. Threesome initiations come from the most unexpected people. Before anything else, it's important to have a healthy conversation with the couple. For starters, you may simply ask them why they're going this route and why you.

Consent matters the most here, so be sure all parties are comfortable with each other and each considers each's feelings, preferences, and needs. Trusting each other requires maximum effort from all sides. We all climax differently, so it's best to learn about orgasm care while you're at it. 

Talk to them about it and try to analyze the kind of people you're dealing with. It's all about context. Make sure they really do want it. Chances are, it's a friend who wants to experiment with you or a co-worker who's looking to add some spice to their marriage (these are just generic scenarios for reference). Some people are just bored and just want to get freaky. On Facebook, we even have groups for that. That applies to messaging apps like Telegram, too. It can be scary going through that, so remember to be careful with strangers. Just be sure you know who you're dealing with and that it's a safe space.

Try to identify potential problems. Does the other woman have a tendency to get jealous? Are there any particular acts that are not cool with them? How do we mitigate discomfort? What's off limits? There are other tougher questions to ask, too, such as what kind of positions each prefers or how "involved" should you get. Know the boundaries. All this should be settled before you get to it.

Now, for some quick reminders:

1| Don't Be Too Eager. Everyone Should Be Chill.

Photo by THE SPA WELLNESS.

The mood you guys set from the get-go can set the tone for the engagement. Firstly, we'd recommend booking a hotel or Airbnb for this. Other peoples' homes can feel a little too foreign sometimes, but that'd be okay, too, if the couple agrees. Ask the couple what they need to get going. Some need candles, specific bed sheets or underwear, dim lights, and the like to get hot and heavy.

Talk to each other first and treat it just as you would in a conversation with buddies. Maybe get some light dinner and wine beforehand. If you guys want to, you could maybe watch a movie or listen to a song. Some of us even get a massage first. There's a tendency to feel tense about what's coming up, and that's normal, especially if it's our first time. Soon enough, a certain glance will come up. Before you know it, you're undressed.

For the love of god, be sure to get a good shower first before all this, okay? We shouldn't have to tell people this. It's courtesy. Sex smells might not be the most pleasant in the world, but you don't have to add your odor in the room.

2| Just Go With It. Know Your Role.

Photo by COURTESY.

A call center agent friend of mine, who happens to be a constant threesome goer, once told me that, in most cases, someone always tends to get left out of the action. When the kissing starts, it usually starts off pretty equal. The hand stuff is when things start to unravel. Yes, people suddenly play favorites, too, in these things. If you're the odd man (or woman) out, don't fret.

Couples during these events should focus more on each other. Let them start off and then you can integrate yourself into it if need be. You can always play with yourself, too, in the background, to get ready.

There should also be no jealousy around here.

If you find yourself being a little too close to one of them, then you should try your best not to push the other away. They're the couple, after all. You don't want that smoke, do you?

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3| Give More Than You Take. Give Equal Focus.

Photo by Columbia Pictures.

Be generous with your stuff and have patience when it comes to your turns. Threesomes are more about giving than taking. Mouths, hands, feet, and other parts, among others, will be offered. Know how you can maximize each body part.

Remember what you guys discussed: their kinks, their go-to positions, their favorite spots. That's why listening during those conversations is so important.

Sharing is caring, too. There are certain threesome positions that just work better than others. We can get some ideas here.

4| Read the Room.

You enter threesomes with no expectations or hard demands, really. Just have fun, try to contribute as much as you can, and don't be bland. Learn to read the nuances and subtle hints, too. Couples have shared languages in the bedroom that are only for them.

You're the third person here, always make note of that. If you think the couple needs some time to themselves, then you should oblige. All these things will be revealed to you as you go along.

Yes, it's going to feel weird at first, but that's okay. You'll learn to navigate those uneasy feelings with more time and experience. We're dealing with real people here, not some porno pleasure toys. So be sure the mutual respect for boundaries and kinks is always there. Before you know it, you'll be in your third sex party in four days. Happy humping, friends.