Gerald Santos was 15 when it happened. He was the grand champion of the reality singing contest Pinoy Pop Superstar and had a bright future ahead of him. But on the inside, he was torn—Santos was keeping a huge, dark secret that could destroy his budding singing career.
“Isa ‘yun sa mga madidilim, actually, pinakamadilim na part ng buhay ko,” he tells Esquire Philippines. “Dumating sa point na parang gusto kong tapusin 'yung buhay ko.”
The painful memory Santos is referring to is the sexual abuse he suffered, allegedly under the hands of a veteran musical director, almost two decades ago. In August 2024, the singer alluded to his experience in a Facebook post, where he sympathized with actor Sandro Muhlach, who had then come forward with rape and abuse allegations against two program executives.
“I was once in this situation, but back then wala kang boses, walang social media,” Santos wrote on Facebook. “I hope he gets the justice I was once denied.”
“Isa ‘yun sa mga madidilim, actually, pinakamadilim na part ng buhay ko. Dumating sa point na parang gusto kong tapusin 'yung buhay ko.”
Losing His Voice
In a largely patriarchal society where machismo culture is prevalent, the expectation is that men cannot be assaulted because they are men. It’s perhaps because of this stereotype that sexual abuse against boys remains underreported, with fewer male sexual abuse survivors seeking help from children protection units compared to female survivors.
Santos was one of those survivors. And while he did end up taking action against the perpetrator, it took him four years to file a report, and 18 years before revealing his story to the public.
The singer recalls burying the incident at the back of his mind, fearing that it could affect his career as the abuser was renowned in the industry. After all, he still had to make a living and provide for his family.
“I was the breadwinner of the family kasi. And then siyempre, kapapanalo ko lang noon, sobrang busy, parang hindi mo masyadong mano-notice, hindi mo masyadong mararamdaman kasi halos ‘di ka na natutulog,” he shares.
Still, the incident haunted him, resulting in many sleepless nights. “Maraming beses na parang… nandidiri ka sa nangyari, naikwestiyon mo bakit kailangan mangyari ‘yung gan’on. Deep inside, ‘yung wound nandun e.”
In a YouTube interview with Ogie Diaz, Gerald shared he was in a state of denial. “Dini-deny ko sa sarili ko na, ‘No, walang nangyari.’ Kasi nung time na ‘yun, kapag lalaki ka, dapat walang ganyang mangyayari sa’yo, e. Maaapektuhan ‘yung image mo as lalaki—paghihinalaan ka.”
He also revealed he had developed a trauma against older men and women. “Kapag meron akong kasamang mas matanda sa akin, parang takot ako. Lalo ‘pag naiiwan kami sa isang room, natatakot ako na parang feeling ko may mangyayari, may gagawin sa akin. I am easily intimidated sa mga matatanda, basta parang in a position of power or mas matanda sa akin.”
