The Careless Things Young Professionals Shouldn't Do on Social Media, By the Truly Rich Lady
You know how all the fancy, high-end phones now have screens as big as the five-head of your Truly Rich Frenemy? Well, yesterday, at a meeting for the fundraiser to benefit the poor people who do not have proper ski equipment for vacations in cold places, I sat beside Lou, a young woman who joined us recently, and I saw the following messages on her Facebook chat because her phone screen was the size of a Chanel 2.55:
Lou: “OMG. I am beside this old woman, Si-si Coo. She is a total idiot. How did she weasel her way into this Important Committee of Women?”
Treena: “LOL. I hear she is a jobless rich girl who has nothing else to do. I once saw her napping at the back. Can you believe it? Also, did you notice how her hands are so... manly?”
Well, excuse me, Lou and Tina. I closed my eyes for the briefest moment because I had just come from yoga and had not eaten yet. Is it not allowed to be tired anymore? Also, my hands are the product of playing modern sports such as tennis and mahjong!
Anyway, this was unacceptable behavior. As a veteran member of the Important Committee of Women, I went to the head of the committee, who was my best friend and told her my concerns: bullying. The repercussions were just and swift. Lou and Tina were given the plummest job of all: Mistresses of Smells in charge of the facilitation of refuse and leftovers. Enjoy, my dears.
Here’s a tip from a Truly Rich Lady: Social media, high-powered phones, the Internet have certainly changed the way we live, but the rules have not changed. Remain professional at work. Young ladies, whose hands are glued to their mobiles, listen.
Do not talk bad about the people you work with…
Because when you do it on your favorite chat app or the comments section of Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter, you leave a record. If I had a penny for all the times someone sent me a screenshot filled with nasty musings about a co-worker, I would be finally able to buy the pink diamond earrings that would complete my pink diamond set.
Someone also once told me when you put something online, it lives there forever like a record. The comment about Katy’s “...furry mustache. Did you see it?” from two years ago, when you were not yet best friends, will be discovered by Katy herself. And now she is not talking to you.
Do not talk bad about the company you work for...
Because your co-workers, the very ones you friended on Facebook, can see your late-night rant about how it’s “...so absurd that ABC Company doesn’t have a proper microwave when they MAKE microwaves. HAHAHA.” Joke’s on you. In this dog-eat-dog world, an ambitious co-worker, vying for a spot at the top, will screenshot your post and then bring the evidence to your boss.
Also, the blue-haired ladies of HR are also online, monitoring social media mentions and maybe even your lively social media accounts. Does that give you the chills?
Do not post anything you don’t want your boss to know...
Like your impromptu beach trip on the day when you said you had explosive tummy problems. This is why it is tricky to connect to your boss on social media, because he can now see all the things you do in your personal time. I know it is hard to not accept his Friend Request and an even more difficult to unfollow, unfriend, or block him. I don’t know how to solve this. Just don’t do anything suspicious on social media, okay?
Do not post weird things...
Because your online life is now considered your real life, as in this is what people think this is who you truly are even if it is just a construct. If your Instagram Stories are all funny videos of you failing to walk in a straight line or, worse, doing something illegal, then people will think you are a drunk criminal.
Unfortunately, these days, optics are everything. Even if you are a straight player at work, top brass will not give you that well-deserved promotion if you portray yourself as someone unreliable on social media. Remember to represent yourself well in both your offline and online life.
Do not be a downer…
Because who wants to be around that? Who wants to be around the harbinger of doom, the one whose social media posts proclaim only negative and catty things?
Your co-workers and boss may also be turned off if you are overly vocal about critical subjects or if your wall is filled with rants and complaints. Also, maybe it would be better if you don’t participate in a long drawn out online fight about who has the best burgers, In-N-Out or Shack Shack. Say your piece once (Three Buns) and leave it at that.