Hilarious Snippets From the Upscale Bazaar of Beautiful 'Tita' Things, By the Truly Rich Lady

“This necklace doesn’t fit my neck because I ate bread yesterday.”

Forget the opening of that chi-chi international boutique, the golden anniversary of the ballet, or the super exclusive lunch with Ms. Marda. This weekend, the only place to be was at an artisanal fair filled with handmade sustainable goods from the motherland. 

The Truly Rich Lady did not want to go, but my Truly Rich Mother needed another patchwork tunic, and so I found myself rubbing elbows with the Truly Rich Titas and their gigantic hair and even more gigantic wallets.

I made sure to note all the wonderful conversations my ears picked up because I must let you, my readers, know what really goes on behind the scenes of a shopping spree for a good cause. And no, I was not eavesdropping. The following murmurings just fell into my earholes:

A Truly Rich Mother and Daughter:

“OMG, Mom!”

“Why? What’s wrong!”

“You didn’t tell me that this is a tita party! I’m going downstairs. Call when you’re done!” 

The only way to do introductions:

“Let me introduce you to my amazing friend, Nini, who is with her ultimate kumare, Tita Cely, and the talented designer of these precious abubots, Katarina. Ladies, this is the beautiful Si-si Coo.”

“Hi, guys!”

Two strangers meet:

“You look very familiar.”

“You might have seen me on Instagram.” 

Catching up:

“I felt like I haven’t seen you for so long? How are you?” 

“I’m good! I just woke up from a six-hour nap, watched two-and-a-half episodes of Homeland, and now I’m here!”



A young mother attends to her spawn:

“It’s so hot!”

Yaya, it’s so hot! Buy that giant pay-pay over there please?”

A Truly Rich Mother considering a rattan jeep-bed:

Ay, finally, our son can know what it is like to commute. He is so spoiled.”

Two style purveyors:

“It’s all about tela and pina.”

“I love it. It looks so… crafty.”

“Paris is so over.”

Two shoppers contemplating a purchase:


“Yes… but why does it cost this much? It’s just bits of rope, right?”

“You can’t buy it?”

“I can naman!”

A scene inside the dressing room:

“Do I look indigenous yet?”

“No naman.”

“But how do I wear this? Seriously?”

Best Frenemies:

“Are you sure about that?


You shouldn’t do orange.”


“It’s because you are not very white.” 

“I know. I wish I was as pale as you.”

“I know, I’ll buy it to save you from getting it.”

“You’re such a good friend.”

On the phone with assistant:

“Yes. Go to my closet. And then check if I have the same bag. White with beads. I have four? But they’re different right? I will get one pa din. This is for a good cause.” 

The best excuse:

“This necklace doesn’t fit my neck because I ate bread yesterday.”

More sizes please:

“Does this bracelet come in a smaller size? I will get it for my baby.”

Two kumares in a corner:

“Marni, this is what I’m talking about. We should start a shopping fair with local things. Food, fashion, jewelry, furniture.

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“Another one?”


“Can you give me five minutes? I just need to post a photo. My friends need to know I was here.”

Truly Rich Lady with shopping bags on the phone inside the elevator:

“Yes, I just finished with cardio. I will pick you up for church now.”

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C.C. Coo
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