The Kinds of (Truly) Rich People, According to the Truly Rich Lady
If we are sticking to the very old and very traditional definition of the Truly Rich, then there are no Truly Rich people in these fair islands our ours. The Old Rich come from the Old World, as in they are the royals, the princes, or the landed, all people whose power and wealth were derived from the divine. To them, the woman with lots and lots of money, like the Truly Rich Lady, is not Old Rich. She is but (a beautiful) nobody who hustles really well! So you see, in the eyes of the crowned, we are all beggars! My point is: Do not be sad if you are not on this Truly Rich list.
The Very Old Money
Let us start at the very beginning, the font of power, the source. But, really, the Very Old Money Lady is just lucky to have been born to the right parents, her very rich parents. The fortune she enjoys now—which has grown to a stupendous amount via several generations of wealth-building—she inherited. If she is one of the good ones, she knows to continue this legacy through hard work. If not, well, see more below.
The East Rich
His work ethic is unmatched, and he expects the same for those who work for him. That means, for him and everyone else, working at full speed every day until fingers bleed (or fall off—whichever comes from). All that translates to even more wealth. Great. Some say the oldest of the East Rich still keep their money in luggage under the bed. (We’ve moved ours, by the way.)
The West Rich
Her work ethic is more relaxed, and she allows the same for those who work for her. This has made her beloved by the people who follow her. Even if she does something terribly wrong, she is quickly forgiven. It helps that she is very, very good looking.
The Former Glory a.k.a The Former Truly Rich
Where’s the money? Gambled away by drunkard great uncle or drained by a bumbling idiot older brother. This one shouldn’t be on the list anymore but I want to tell you about him. The Former Glory is now but a holder of an Important Last Name, and he must suffer the indignity of working for someone else and being friendly to the Still Truly Rich even if he hates their guts.
The Almost Gone
Like water from the city, the wealth is dwindling. She has no other choice but to become a miser. To be clear, she is not conservative nor frugal. She is a never-let-that-centavo-go kind of lady. She is always paranoid about losing that last few tens of millions, and so she lives a frugal life, serving dinner with unexciting food in her austere house.
The Dragon CEO
He is at the very top. As the person who bears the weight of billions on his shoulders, he has become, let’s just say, very tough. It is best to never slow him down or be in his way because he will breathe fire on you. Really! Some people say the Dragon CEO does not blink. Do you know who else does not blink? (Research.)
The Unicorn CEO
While equally tough as the above, the Unicorn CEO does not forget to bring his heart to work. And so, people follow him, not because they are piss-in-your-pants terrified, but because they believe in him. He speaks softly, dresses plainly, and acts always with kindness, but don’t think he is a pushover. He is not afraid to make the unpopular decision if it means the health of his Truly Rich Company.
I can count the number of Gods on less than one hand. Among the Very Old Money, he is the head of family that owns you, your friends, and whatever place you find yourself in right now. He really and literally owns everything, from your place of work, where you get your salary, which you use to buy toilet paper and toothpaste that he makes in his factory and then sells at his grocery chain, which you drive to on the road he has promised the government to expand.
The Just Old
Bah. Humbug. Phooey. Grumble-grumble. He’s had it with life and does not care anymore. He’s just here to enjoy the rest of his golden years, saying whatever he wants, even if these are very, very horrible words. He also enjoys terrorizing the young folks. Nevertheless, people are nice to him because he holds the money.
The Strange Bird
Call this the female version of the Just Old, but 100 times more fun. You’ve seen her: That big hair, mismatched clothes, and stunning jewelry are hard to miss. She is eccentric, and I mean that as a compliment. I just love being around her, because her world view is refreshing.
The Insignificant Other
The best explanation is this: She is an outsider who married into wealth. She wears the right clothes, speaks in the correct melodic tones, and acts always in an acceptable manner, because she knows her position is precarious. If Munny Hubby dies, it’s all over. She’s also known as Fox.
Her number one hobby is wearing Triple-A knockoffs from China and passing them off as the real thing. Actually, she declares that the goods are fake, emphasizing the fact she got them for cheap. She has the real things, but she prefers the thrill of pulling off a fake. It’s like reverse bragging!
The New New Money
The Old New Money has now qualms about parading her newfound status with the most obscene shows of wealth, but the New New Money knows that, in order to succeed in the Truly Rich World, she must follow in the footsteps of the Very Old Money. Which means she, too, works hard, spends conservatively, and always looks to the future of the family. She may not be truly Truly Rich now, but her current state is where the Truly Rich started eons ago. She is on her way.
Do you want to ask our resident TRL a question? E-mail C.C. Coo at CCCoo.