Deconstructing the 'Performative Man': Matcha Lattes, Tote Bags, and Clairo

You may have noticed more and more guys in their 20s unabashedly switching out their Americanos for colorful matcha drinks, sporting tote bags with esoteric under-the-radar bands or pop culture references, and reading feminist literature such as those from Sylvia Plath and Joan Didion.

This ethos being presented, which sprung from the depths of Instagram and TikTok, also involves things like sporting wired Apple earpods plugged into a machine that is likely playing emotionally sensitive music from Clairo, Phoebe Bridgers, or from someone like beabadoobee.

The terms “Performative Man” and “Performative + Action” are often thrown around to identify this phenomenon as young men do their best to appeal to modern women instead of sticking to a more traditional masculine image.

Timothee Chalamet played Laurie in Little Women

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The emerging archetype in pop culture and in general dating is also seen as an attempt to reconcile masculinity with vulnerability, beyond the conventional view of the stoic, emotionally stifled man. Guys have started presenting themselves as being into these artsy and alternative style choices to appear as men capable of emotional and intellectual depth.

Literature that features characters that bend and redefine what it means to be a man has become popular with young adults in recent years. Normal People by Sally Rooney, for starters, has amassed a huge following particulary with female readers partly because of Connell Waldron, one of the protagonists in the story portrayed in the television adaptation by the extemely talented Paul Mescal, as a character earnestly grappling with emotional turmoil and his inability to articulate how he feels.

The perceived yearning for emotional depth is seen as attractive to women, which also brings us to why guys are trying to be “written by a woman.”

Paul Mescal played Connell Waldron in Normal People

Is There Really A ‘Female Gaze’ ?

The so-called “female gaze” is a fairly new term and maybe even just a buzzword that has been floating around and doesn't really have definite parameters. Of course, we should note that the term stems from the concept of the “male gaze” coined by feminist film theorist Laura Mulver in the 1970s as she tackled how conventional patriarchal and masculinity affects film appreciation and consumption.

“Woman then stands in patriarchal culture as a signifier for the male other, bound by a symbolic order in which man can live out his fantasies and obsessions through linguistic command by imposing them on the silent image of woman still tied to her place as bearer, not maker, of meaning,” Mulvey said in her 1973 essay "Visual Pleasure and Narrative."

The term was also popularized by art critic and novelist John Berger, though he only referred to it as “the gaze.” Berger spoke of a theory of a person never being a neutral observer when consuming a piece of media, where the act is influenced by the subconscious and social influence.

The female gaze, therefore, embraces viewing masculine characters in more diverse and unconventional ways, often challenging these rigid stereotypes expected of men.

“Perspective makes the eye the center of the visible,” according to Berger. "A woman must continually watch herself. She is almost continually accompanied by her own image of herself." 

Looking back on the social media trend, the female gaze is often  linked to the "softer"  traits, attitudes, literary and artistic taste, and fashion choices women gravitate toward.

There has also been a glorification of thrift shopping or simply "thrifting" for vintage clothing as a revival of cultural counterculture to appear more socially aware of the supposed evils of consumerism.

Whether you just want to identify "the performative man" out in the wild or even want to dip into the trend yourself, here's a list to get you started: 

The Performative Man Starter Kit

1| A backpocket with a paperback copy of seminal works from feminist authors

An essential for the Performative Man is a handy paperback copy of books from feminist authors such as Sally Rooney, Joan Didion and classical authors such as Jane Austen and Louisa May Alcott. This is a necessity for them to keep in their arsenal to be ready to commit to some 'Performative Reading' at a moment's notice. You can start with works such as Alcott's Little Women (and yes you have to memorize Laurie's monologue from the 2019 film adaptation, performed by Timothée Chalamet ), and the Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath  

Chalamet has become something of a poster child of the brooding, sensitive modern man

2|  A playlist of music from alternative female artists, wired earphones

Nothing says you are a man in touch with his emotions more than a carefully crafted and curated playlist of the music from the alternative music circuit's burgeoning icons such as Clairo, Phoebe Bridgers and beabadoobee. Recently, guys have been ditching the popular wireless Apple AirPods and headphones for the wired EarPods, which used to come free with older iPhones.

Here are some of our picks for melancholic and poginant albums to check out: the depressingly beautiful Punisher (2020) by Phoebe Bridgers, the retro-inspired  funky and soulful Charm (2024)  by Clairo, and  '90s-inspired Alternative Rock album This is How Tomorrow Moves (2024) by beabadoobee.

Apple removed the headphone jack circa 2017 as an aggressive campaign to push for their brand spanking new wireless AirPods, which eventually shaped the wireless earbud market as we know it today.  Alternative indie-pop artistis such as Clairo and Lorde are known to wear these in public (although Lorde also has the wireless AirPod Max headphones). 

Wired headphones just evoke nostalgia that is a no-brainer for men attempting to present this alternative counterculture aesthethic to the opposite sex.

beabadoobee

3| A wardrobe of items not exclusive to men's section clothing, an emphasis on thrifted and well-worn articles

One should also go beyond the limits of fast fashion and the department store when building a wardrobe based around this ethos. Taking frequent trips to nearby thrift stores around your area is a must for golden thrifted finds, with Makati Cinema Square still being a popular option if you also want to check out their vintage record shops.

As Hollywood stars, fashion icons, and overall cultural benchmarks for appealing to the Female Gaze such as Jacob Elordi and Timothée Chalamet have demonstrated, guys can wear absolutely clothes and accessories initially marketed for women, and perhaps eventually capture the attention of the women themselves.