What She Wants

The Truly Rich Lady on Ghosting, Messy Breakups, and More

Why are my Truly Rich Friends asking me about this fight?

I hear, from my friends and even my mother, that this thing called a heart (I think it’s the one that makes that thumping rhythm in your chest) can make you do crazy things.

I don’t know anymore because I haven’t been able to feel things ever since my accident… you know… my brief run in with stress-induced alopecia from that time when I was dumped.

More: Etiquette for Exes: What Next After a Spectacular Breakup

And so I reserve no judgement for the people involved in a messy break-up caused by an alleged hook up. Maybe they were under the spell of a noisy heart? Or maybe they, too, have stress-induced alopecia?

Instead, I have questions. I am an old lady who does not have much experience in public quarrels, so please enlighten me.

Does liking a social media post really have so much power?

Does it really? I am very surprised to find out that simple act of pressing a virtual button is equivalent to launching a nuke into the world. Wow.

I realize also that it is such a savvy move. Why trip yourself up with words when you just indirectly signal your feelings and let people guess the rest? People can’t really accuse you of starting a fire when all you did was touch the screen. Maybe you have Fat Finger Syndrome?

Can we really infer what is going on from a blurry photo?

I am giddy at the thought that Body Language Experts are now considered legitimate resources. A vague photo of a general action can mean so many things. Maybe I am standing closer to someone because there was someone smelly on my other side.


Since when is it not allowed to have friends of the opposite sex and walk with them to places?

Thankfully, my parents had the wisdom to send me to a co-ed school in high school. Because of my early exposure to boys, I do not have these weird constraints about gender-mixing.

In fact, some of my best friends are male and sometimes we hold hands when we are walking here and there. We don’t see any romance in the deed because—gross—we are like siblings.

What is ghosting?

I think I experienced this. Many years ago, someone I loved stopped buying me gifts, eating with me, and talking to me. He even avoided me like the plague at one event!

But then again he did tell me he didn’t want to see me anymore before all that happened, so my experience is really called being dumped.

Ghosting is when you put on an SK-II face mask and a gauzy nightgown and then eat cake in the dark, right?

What is the best way to break up with someone?

Hurt feelings are a given. What is important is minimizing the crying, the throwing of the stuff, the pointing of the fingers, and all that messiness.

A conversation that clearly states you do not want to see each other anymore is required. An explanation is also appreciated. I want to know why you are replacing me with someone younger. Do I look like a grandma?

Can you be friends with an ex?

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The answer is no.

Can someone teach me how to make those image posts with just words?

I want to reveal my #truth to all my #friends directly via a series of images that contain words. And I don’t want to do it in the caption because a #pictureofwords is worth #athousandwordsinacaption.

I also want to keep talking even if the best course of action when I am embattled is to lie low for a couple of months. I should go to a foreign country, maybe get some face work done, and shop.

Do private individuals need crisis PR?

Listen, I live my life in a constant state of crisis. When every moment needs to appear like the mirror-like surface of a secret lake, it can be tense very quickly.

I might say the wrong thing to an important person. I might say, “I don’t care for cheese!” to my mother’s new friend, who turns out to be the secret investor of cheese. Oops.

Then, our well-paid crisis PR might advise me to be photographed with a small plate of cheese, preferably the stinky soft kinds, at several events for the next three months.

This is just a scenario. The point is, a lot of things can go very wrong in your everyday life and you’ll need the impartial advice of outsiders who will impartially tell you to just stop.

Are we really in the thrall of a private squabble when there are other more important things that we can spend our brainpower on?


Maybe we should read a book? Maybe we should figure out if the very expensive shampoo, conditioner, and scalp treatment does any good for our hair?

Maybe we should have a strong opinion about what is going on the in the world? Let's take our pick from a list of pressing issues: traffic, climate change, plastics, sovereignty, the return of the ‘80s, alopecia.

Why are my Truly Rich Friends asking me about this fight? Please talk about something else.

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C.C. Coo
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