'I Was a Victim of a Fake Psychiatrist'
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On July 26, news reports circulated about a woman who was arrested by the National Bureau of Investigation for running a diagnostic center and claiming to be a psychiatrist. The woman, who was identified by authorities as Miriam So Magayanes, had reportedly been conducting assessments, evaluations, and prescribing medication to her clients.
According to reports, Magayanes was practicing as a mental health professional without the necessary license and qualifications. The NBI said she will be charged with violations of the Illegal Practice of Medicine (Section 28 of Republic Act 2382).
The following is a first-person account of one of Magayanes’ victims. The writer, who requested anonymity, first posted her story on Reddit. Esquire Philippines is running the post, with the author’s permission, with only minor edits for clarity and consistency.
On Monday (August 7), the author told Esquire Philippines that she gave a statement to the NBI and is planning to file a case against Magayanes.
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I wanted to keep quiet and just shrug off the thought that you were once my doctor but I know that my silence will benefit no one but you. I was blaming myself for not conducting thorough research on you and your clinic but again, a fake psychiatrist is unheard of!
I will not go on to full details about our patient-doctor relationship, and I’ll just share how she ruined my outlook in life, and how she broke my spirit.
Last year, I ultimately decided for myself that I wanted to seek professional help because my daily life, my work, my studies, my relationships with other people were directly affected by my spiraling. A friend sought her diagnostic services before, so I thought, same doctor na lang din since she conducts a battery of tests to back up her diagnosis and malapit lang siya so convenient talaga.
So we paid for the fee (P10,000), took the tests, did some blood work (around P3,000, conducted at Hi-Precision, not her clinic as she does not offer this service), and came back for the results a few days after. She recommended that I should stay at her facility in Tagaytay to recuperate but we could not afford her fees (P50,000 monthly, medicine and living expenses excluded) at that time since ongoing pa ‘yung construction ng house namin and most of our money goes there. Ang compromise was to see her twice a week, drink the prescribed medications. (P3,000 per session and P2,000 for the prescription. Yes hiwalay yung bayad sa prescription).
I cried uncontrollably when I found out what my mental illness was. She diagnosed me with Schizophrenia with Paraphilic Disorder, Substance Abuse, and Suicidal Tendencies. Miriam Magayanes saw my reaction to her diagnosis, how heartbroken I was. I was unfamiliar with the term “Paraphilic Disorder.” so I pressed her for more information about that illness to which she only said, “It’s because you got raped, let’s not talk about it anymore kasi malungkot.”
Ang suspicious na from that moment but I was too much in my head to fully process how she answered my question. The thoughts going in my mind were how much of a burden I was going to be to my girlfriend, to my family, to everyone around me. I had to quit my job, per her professional advice. I had to prolong pausing my studies. I had to stop everything that was going on in my life because her diagnosis was that serious. My girlfriend had to put in a request to work from home because I needed to be supervised 24/7. I carried the guilt of inconveniencing the people in my life that I wanted to just end my life. I was depressed, had no will to go on, but I put up a front of being happy to lessen the worry of the people around me until I can’t anymore.
I was reading a lot of materials about my diagnosis and joined subreddits so I can figure out how to cope, and how to be less of a burden. Marami akong nakitang posts by a schizophrenic’s family member and thought to myself, soon it will be the reality to all the people around me. I, too, will lose my sense of reality and will forever have to be dependent on other people. This is so much for me to take because I take pride in my independence. I moved out and worked as soon as I turned 18. I never was dependent on my parents aside from the financial aspect in my life. It brought me great pain that I had to reconnect to my family who I was estranged with to ask for help because I can’t let my girlfriend carry all of these responsibilities alone.
Accepting the reality that I will have to ask for help for as long as I live added so much fuel to my sadness. I know that she’s not responsible for my reaction but upon reading the article about her being arrested for being a fake doctor made me blame her for subjecting me to experiencing all these complex emotions.
I couldn’t handle the sadness anymore, so I drank all of my medicines and wrote a note saying sorry to everyone, especially to my girlfriend because she had to endure all of the bad things in my life; she had to endure the worst version of me. I wrote how I had doubts about getting better, or at least learning how to live with it.
I regret causing so much heartache to my girlfriend when she found me unconscious and barely hanging on to life. My girlfriend called Miriam Magayanes to ask for help and immediately set an appointment with her. Parang may subtle na pag-blame sa akin when we went there because Magayanes said, “Akala ko okay ka na. I have never experienced any of my patients doing this. Ikaw pa lang.”
After hearing that, I blamed myself for not coping as better as the other patients. I thought that there was really something wrong with me because I don’t respond well to her treatment at all. I attended a few more of her sessions where she made me feel so lacking as a person. She would always comment on how young people don’t know what they want in a relationship yet, telling me directly that I would want kids later in life and be regretful that I didn’t look for a man.
She knew I was in a loving relationship with a woman and the gall of her to say that to my face was so infuriating. She went on to comment multiple times how she disapproves of me being a lesbian, but there was one instance I will never forget. During an appointment, she made me write a “forgiveness letter” to at least five people whom I’ve hurt in the past (I wasn’t ready for this big of a step at the time, but I put my trust in her helping me get better). I wrote a letter to my parents, to my grandparents, and to one of my friends. She read the letters and tried “psychoanalyzing” how I apologized to them. She told me that it was right to say sorry for disappointing them but that I forgot to write the most important thing to be sorry about, which was me being gay. She told me that my parents may have not said it out loud, but having a lesbian daughter disappointed them and was something they were ashamed of.
Despite hearing all of these things, I pushed myself to try harder in getting better. I looked for things to do, I made the effort to go out in the world again and look at the brighter side of things. As a child, I wanted to be a special education teacher and realized that I still wanted to be one even now, so the first step in executing this plan is to go back to school.
I told Miriam Magayanes my plans to go back to school and she told me I could do that but that I had to pass a Rorschach test so she can give me the clearance to study. I told her, “Great, it will help because I am looking for a school that offers distance learning so having a doctor’s note that I am a PWD but able to study would be helpful.”
I failed the test and was unable to get clearance. My top-choice school required me to give them clearance, so I thought that was out of the picture. I gave (Magayanes) an update that I would not proceed with my top choice school and will attend my second choice instead. Being the judgmental bitch that she is, she told me, “Hindi naman kilala ‘yang school na ‘yan. Mukha ka pa naman mayabang, so what would other people think of you if they find out that you go to that school?”
Ang suspicious na nga na that she wanted me to pass that test kasi what’s the point? I would always fail it dahil mentally ill nga ako.
That comment was the last straw. I finally told my girlfriend everything and she told me that I would stop seeing her and she would look for a new doctor. Marami pang sinasabi (si Magayanes) that rubbed me the wrong way but this post is too long already.
Hindi pa gaano ka-extreme ‘yung experience ko with her because I was only seeing her for a few months. May nga nakausap ako sa waiting area niya who have been going there for years. Meron pa na nag-a-attend ng SPED (Special Education) school niya. Hindi ko na din alam yung legitimacy ng diagnosis niya sa akin pero most likely, hindi totoo dahil may discrepancies with my symptoms eh.
I am so much happier with my new psychologist. He understands me on a different level, and he gives amazing insights about my feelings. I haven’t seen him in a while because life got in the way again.
I am sharing my experience so people will be aware that this kind of thing can happen.
And to Miriam Magayanes: You deserve to be imprisoned for life, you quack doctor. Sana inisip mo na lahat ng tao na lumapit sa’yo to seek your expertise ay mga taong may problem with their mental health. Pero bakit nga ba ako mag-e-expect na may capability ka na mag-isip ng welfare ng ibang tao when you can go on for 13 years of scamming people?
